ACHING BLUE (emo love story)

5

Outside, she pulls a joint from her cat-shaped purse and lights it, passing it to me after hitting it. I take one hit and almost immediately get that floating feeling again, where my body doesn't feel like mine and I'm watching myself from a bird's eye view. I feel calm and happy and glued to the porch swing we're sitting on.

"So... have you thought any more about moving in with me?" Nessy inquires, brown eyes hopeful.

"Well, my dad did ask why I don't just move in with you since I'm over here so much," I laugh and it's raw-sounding from the weed. "So I guess that's my get-out-of-jail-free card."

"Great!" Nessy practically yells into the night, shaking the swing with her excitement. "We'll go get your things later this week. Then you can transfer to my school. It'll be amazing."

I think about how two fourteen-year-olds are going to practically raise themselves. I think about how there's nothing of nutritional value in the house and wonder how we'd get groceries. I think about asking Nessy if she's asked her mom if this is okay.

"Nessy..." I begin quietly. "How often does your mom come home?"

"Like three times a week, why?" She passes me the blunt and I take another hit.

"Just wondering how often you're just here by yourself. Who does the grocery shopping?"

"Mom does, but I go with her. You'd come too. She's excited to meet you and says you can stay as long as you need to."

"Do you think you'll go grocery shopping this week?" I ask, passing her the joint. She takes a hit before answering.

"Absolutely. Is there anything you need?"

"Stuff with actual nutritional value. You know, protein, carbs, fats, vegetables. Meats, beans, bread, pasta, butter, milk, tomatoes, spinach, all that good stuff. So that we're not practically starving like we are now."

"Okay," Nessy says, typing the things I'd just listed off into her notes app. She keeps misspelling things, making me think she is more stoned than she cares to let on. The blunt was practically nothing now and she puts it out, then immediately lights a cigarette. The smell turns my stomach and I turn away from her for a brief moment to catch my breath.

"You alright?" Comes her voice from behind me.

"Yeah, fine. My stomach's a little upset is all." I say, turning back to face her. She has a cigarette in her hand and I take it, light it with that white lighter I'd teased her about when we first met, and take a drag.

We smoke in silence for a few minutes and when I accidentally ash on myself again we are in hysterics about it. The weed is making me sleepy and I find myself resting my head on her shoulder. I feel her kiss the top of my head and smile to myself where she can't see before lifting my cigarette back to my lips and taking a long pull from it.

Soon our cigs are down to the filter and we head back inside, reeking of cannabis and organic cigarettes. We collapse on Nessy's bed in a fit of laughter, not even sure what's so funny, and decide to watch funny moments compilations of our favorite bands. I go first, choosing Pierce the Veil, and we giggle here and there throughout the videos before deciding to watch band interviews. 

Eventually, my eyes start to droop and I roll over in bed onto my side. "You tired?" Nessy asks and I groan in response. "Alright, get up," she says, shaking me. I groan and get up and watch through bleary eyes as she rolls the comforter down. "Okay, now you can go to sleep."

"Thanks," I mumble, plopping back down on my side of the bed. I pull the comforter up to my chin and fall into a deep sleep.