It Will Always Be A Game

07: Moestie

You saved me, I'll save you

I see the letter sitting on the table. I pick it up. It is entirely covered in dried blood.
"You never ever failed to look beautiful, little lamb."

Who the fuck would be so creepy enough to write that? And with blood? I blink rapidly as the realisation hits me like a truck.

Sighing in frustration, I take my phone out. I click a picture of it for evidence. I don't think this person will stop anytime soon. I want to call the police but that's not an option here. I'm not that lucky.
What if they're threatening me because I know the location? But Shane didn't tell anyone that I knew. The only reason they behaved like this was because they thought I was hiding him. Right? But they didn't arrest me. They just brought me in as a suspect. They just weren't willing to let me go. Okay, it doesn't make any sense.

I frantically brush my hair. If I keep thinking about this, I'm sure my head will burst. Moestie jumps up on my lap and starts biting my wrist.
I smile and pat her back. "Hey, my little wittle potato sack," I lift her in the air. I don't know how I would've survived if she wasn't here. I grab her neck and give her kisses everywhere. She meows as I hug her tightly, a little too much for her comfort. I'm so grateful to have her.

Walking through the streets of Brooklyn, my clothes clung to my body and my hair stuck to my face.
It was pouring.
It was well after midnight, there wasn't a single soul in sight.
It was quite dark.
Just like my mind.
I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing.
The droplets of rain blend with my tears and I'm glad for it.
Even though there's no one.
And no one can stop my tears from falling now.
Not even you, papa.

Even after moving here, the incident hasn't stopped following me. Haunting me. It follows wherever I go, wherever I hide. No matter what I do.
I sob and clench my fists to keep my hands from trembling. Some cars pass by, the drivers looking at me and mumbling something. I keep walking. I'm in too much pain to pay attention to what they're saying.

After walking for what felt like hours, I was finally here.

Goosebumps began to rise all over my body as I peered down the bridge.
This is it.

The rain was pelting down hard as I stood firm on the railing. It was hard to see anything. My heart was beating wildly against my rib cage.
I look up. Beads of water hit my face and cascade down my temples.
This is it.

The past won't haunt me anymore. I don't have to walk down the streets and pretend like everything's going to be okay. I don't have to pretend like I'm a normal person. I don't have to try to fit in anymore. I don't have to live a life where it's all play pretend.

I don't have to be reminded of what I did. I don't have to be a bad daughter anymore. I don't have to live another day knowing I killed them.
This is it.

I shut my eyes. It's almost peaceful.

So painful yet so peaceful.

I smile.

I slowly move my leg forward.

I'm so close.

Do it.

I'm suddenly jolted out of my trance by a little noise. My eyes open and my head turns around.

I ignore it and shut my eyes once again.

The noise recurs.

My eyes slowly open. I turn around once again.
It's pouring heavily by now and it's hard to see anything.