Naruto Shippuden X Male Reader

Chapter 39

(Y/n) POV)

'How deep is this cave?' I've lost sight of Takeshi as I continued to walk into the darkness. 'It's cold... oh so cold... I can barely see my own hands. I can hardly think... Where am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose? These aren't my thoughts... no these aren't thoughts at all... they're memories?' A gust of snow blows past me as the cave seemingly opens with a shining light. Here, I see myself sitting in a lonely, dark room. 'I remember this place vividly. It's where Orochimaru made me into what I am. A weapon...' 

Another burst of light followed by a gust of snow changes the scene to a rooftop, I stood there with the Third Hokage facing off against the First and Second Hokages as well as Orochimaru. 'I was weak back then compared to these four. I did what I could, but I ended up being a burden to Lord Third... I'm the reason he lost that fight... It's because of me that he died... Then again... he's also the reason for my mother's death, and the bad relations with the Uchiha before their massacre. He let Danzo get into his head too often... I wonder how different things would be... if I never existed...' 

As the life fades from Lord Third's eyes, another flash of light and gust of snow change the scene once more. It showed me catching the supercharged rasengan and chidori from both Sasuke and Naruto. 'I made a vow to them after our encounter with my father during the Chunin Exams. No matter what the circumstances, I would always protect them should they need it. Even if it costed me my life, I would do everything to keep those two safe... But now... neither of them need me... They can both live on their lives without the need of my protection... Granted, Sasuke's mind isn't exactly in the right place, but Naruto will talk or beat some sense into him one way or another... So... what's keeping me here? Why do I continue to throw myself into danger to protect them when I know they're strong enough to handle damn near anything on their own... Why...? Why do they keep me around?' 

The scene changes once more, the same as the others, and the image is of Tenten taking care of me during the time I was crippled after taking the combined might of the rasengan and chidori. 'I missed being able to just relax like this... Auntie didn't send you on any missions during the time I was in healing. Said she wanted to make sure I didn't do anything stupid and be stuck bedridden for longer than needed. It was... fun being around Tenten during that month... Everything just seemed to fade away during that time. The pain I felt, both physically and mentally, were gone while I was with her... What the hell are you doing to me?'

As the snow covers up the better times, I feel my heart long for that feeling again... The scene now goes back to my training. 'I miss those old bastards. Their training was like hell on Earth, but it was worth it in the end. I was able to learn so many techniques from both of the former Hokage. Even though he mostly used his wood style, he taught me a lot of medical ninjutsu that would be useful in a pinch. I haven't had much chance to use it since I've been with Sakura so much. I'm not at her level, but if she's not around I could save someone's life with it.'

The light brings me to my return to Konoha. The scene of Tenten hugging me after not seeing me for roughly two years brought that warm feeling to my chest again. 'Words can't describe how much I missed you while I was gone. I didn't even realize it at the time... Hell I'm really only noticing now how much you did for me. Of course, Kiba would ruin the moment, but that's what he does. Anyways... I really wish I didn't have so much on my plate... I missed the times we could just hang out and talk like before... I loved the time we spent together at the café the most. Even if dad would interrogate me afterwards every single time... I love to spend time with you... I...'

I feel my heart tighten again as the snow covers her face once more... The scene of Gaara's rescue shows, right after being resurrected by Granny Chiyo. 'I owe you a lot more than you realize Gaara... You saved my rival's life, and your siblings saved a lot of my friends lives. I'm glad to call you my friend, and I'm glad you trust me enough to call on me whenever you need it.'

The snow has a bit of a red tint to it as it shows the death of Khrow... 'This... This day will haunt me for the rest of my life... Khrow was always quiet, but when he spoke it mattered and we listened. His death is on my hands... I led them out there, and he died under my watch... I failed him... and Kiara... I'll forever hold that on my shoulders... I'm a failure... through and through.'

The snow's red tint deepens as it shows me confronting Kurenai about Asuma's death. 'I wasn't in the area for this... I didn't even know what was happening... First Khrow, then Asuma not even a day later... Everything just started to go downhill from here... This marked the downfall of my mentality that I could protect those I cared for... I promised Khrow I wouldn't let anyone else I cared for die, and then the very next day I break that promise... I don't deserve to be the one standing here... Those I failed to protect should be breathing and living their lives... but they're not... and it's all my fault.'

The snow is now completely red as it shows me appearing in front of Jiraiya's impaled body. 'I... I... There's nothing to say about this fuck up... I couldn't do anything... I healed Jiraiya the best I could, but I should've done better... I sent him back to Konoha as fast as I could, but I should've been faster... I fought Pain as hard as I could, and yet I lost... I had the edge and yet... I still lost... I fought a battle in which I had the edge. They had just fought Jiraiya who's no easy foe... and yet... I couldn't win... I lost... and Uncle died... because of me...'

The snow's bloodstained color shines brightly as the scene changes to an event I wasn't present for, Itachi's death... He laid on the ground next to Sasuke. One lifeless, the other exhausted. 'You never stopped looking after both Sasuke and I... I remember when I trained with you when I was young. A lot of my tricks and techniques came from you. You were a strict teacher, but never pushed me too far past my limits to severely injure myself... You always told me to know my limits and only exceed them when absolutely necessary... And while I took that comment to heart... the times it was necessary I couldn't seem to succeed... Even when I knew it was do or die, I still failed... I've failed you... I've failed Khrow... I've failed Asuma... I've failed Jiraiya... and I've failed myself... Everyone would be better off if I never existed...'

One final, snowy scene change shows something that confuses me... It shows me, dead... 'I... don't understand... I die, but how... It doesn't matter to me... I hope that it means the people I care for are safe... If I truly die, then it's probably for the best. As long as those I care for... as long as Tenten is safe... My life doesn't matter... I'll protect her till my last breath... I'll protect the one I love till my last breath...'

Then...

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DARKNESS