Outed- Reddie

chapter one

tw-f slur, homophobia, mentions of self harm

richie tozier ran out of the bathroom at derry high, anxious to get away from the words he'd written. on paper. it was almost as bad as saying it out loud.

later, he would regret more than anything leaving the crumpled note in the bathroom. much pain came from such a minor mistake.

-

henry bowers leaned against a bathroom stall, carving something in the cheap plastic with one hand, holding a cigarette in the other.

"henry! c'mon, school's out," patrick motioned a hand towards the door, stubbing out his own cigarette. bowers flicked his knife closed and threw the stub of the blunt to the floor. as he left, something caught his eye. a crumpled note on the bathroom floor. abandoned.

smiling - though it was not the good kind of smile, more of an evil smirk-, he stepped towards the note. stooping, he grabbed it and folds it open.

the words at the top were scribbled out, but bowers assumed it was a name.

i'm so sorry i've been avoiding you. i couldn't possibly explain to you what i've been going through because i know you would hate me if i told you. but it's fucking eating me alive and i need to tell someone. and it makes the most sense to tell you. i love you. like i'm in love with you. jesus, this is coming out all wrong and i'm writing it. i'm sorry. i know it's gross and wrong and weird, but i needed to tell you. i know it's not right for a boy to like another boy. it's okay if you don't want to be friends anymore. it's okay if you hate me. i hate me too. i'm sorry

-richie tozier :)

bowers laughed, short and barking. "hocksetter, come look at this." he thrust the crumpled, tear stained paper into patrick's chest. "richie fucking tozier's got a faggy crush!" patrick's eyes scanned the paper quickly, eyes darting back and forth over the words with evil amusement.

"pfft. who's this for?" he questioned, waving the note around carelessly.

bowers shrugged, and smile refusing to slip off his face. in some sadistic way, he was happy. richie tozier. his life would be miserable. but there was also a twist in his gut at the thought of richie liking a boy. he'd known richie was gay; nearly the whole town knew after an incident in elementary school. but bowers was disgusted to think of who this letter might be directed towards. the most logical answer-though bowers was anything but logical- was either any boy in the losers club or...

connor.

"all i know, is richie's life is about to become a fucking living hell," bowers finished, balling the note up again in his fist.

-

richie collapsed onto his bed, both physically and mentally exhausted from the day. it was difficult to bike home fast enough to avoid the losers without the emotional strain of keeping the tears that had been building in his eyes. and while he had tried so hard to keep things locked away, every once in a while, they would come out in the form of tears, pulling at his hair, clawing at his arms. everything came flooding out all at once. it was an inevitable side effect.

he groaned, turning on his side. he was undeniably hungry. pushing himself off his bed, he adjusted his glasses to sit properly on his face and sulked out of his room.

the cupboards were half empty and it was hard to find an option for a snack. richie settled for peanut butter,  grabbing the jar and a spoon. he settled on the couch, book propped just above the jar squeezed between his legs. the kettle on the stove began to howl. richie's mother hurried into the kitchen, flicking off the stove and searching for a tea bag.

"oh, richie!" she exclaimed, tea cup clenched in her pale hands. "i didn't see you there!"

"hey, ma," richie said, half-paying attention. his mouth was full of peanut butter and his focus was on the story. it was a star wars book, and much more interesting than the movies had been.

"richie, honey," maggie began hesitantly. "could you do me a favor?"

this caught richie's attention. "uh, sure? what's it?" the spoon nearly fell out of his mouth and he struggled to catch it before it fell on the clean pages of the book.

"could you go to the store for me? i need some things and i'll be busy making dinner. your father is out."

richie nodded in agreement. the tozier household seemed permanently tight for money and the indulgences of the members of the house were kept secret from the others. it was an unspoken rule, joining the many others.  we don't talk to grandma, we don't go to church, we don't talk about The Incident, we don't watch the news- there were an abundance of them, and richie was perfectly fine with following these rules. it was for the best of all toziers, though they were mostly implemented for the sake of richie. he seemed to be the root of most of the hate directed towards the tozier family in derry, though that was something they also did not discuss. conversations with the family, at least while richie was around, were never serious if they could help it. in truth, maggie and wentworth often danced around richie, treating him like a pipebomb that could go off at any wrong thing. they loved their son, but the tozier parents feared greatly for his life. derry was decidedly not a safe place for him. because maggie and wentworth couldn't bear to rip richie away from his friends, his only real lifeline, they instead tried their best to protect him. they weren't overbearing like sonia- richie had his freedoms- but many things were kept from their son, for his well-being. and it truly was for his well-being.

richie settled back into his book, scooping more peanut butter into his mouth. maggie looked over at him, worry creasing her brow.

like richie, she had dark, curly hair- though her's was much longer and curlier. he had her sparkling eyes, but his father's nose and bad eyesight. in all honestly, richie was a perfect mixture of both his parents. however, that was in looks only. both wentworth and maggie were quiet and soft spoken. they kept to themselves (even before The Incident) and would much rather spend time at home watching movies and reading books than socializing. richie, on the other hand, was loud and boisterous, practically bouncing off the walls at al times. it was hard to focus his attention on one thing, which is why maggie was relived when richie had discovered at a young age that he shared his parents love for books and movies. it was this that saved him from absolute boredom and depression in the immediate aftermath of The Incident, especially when eddie hadn't been able to see him for quite a while afterwards.

"richie," maggie said suddenly, jerking richie from the book. her voice was soft and smooth, very unlike her husband's husky smoker's tone. maggie smoked too, but somehow avoided the roughness of the voice that comes with smoking.

"yeah?" richie answered. his attention was drawn completely from his book by her tone.

"are you...alright, honey?" she was looking at him oddly, a mixture of concern, sympathy, and bitterness. richie could tell the sour part was not directed at him, however. he had a talent for such things.

richie chuckled softly. "but of course, my dear mother," he said with a horrible british accent. maggie nodded and smiled faintly at her son's antics.

"okay," she said slowly, sipping her going-cold tea. "just wondering. you can talk to me- or your father- if anything 's going on, alright?"

richie nodded in response, attention back on his book. "will do, mom. promises!"