I'll Just Stand Here and Watch You Go

Chapter 9

Alec paid their tab, filled the tank, and took off, gift shop garb under his white sweater. Aurora behind him, always behind him. This time, he gave her his single helmet, even while she was still wearing his coat.

She pressed as tightly as she could against his broad back, trying to give him some of her warmth. His sleeves had rippled back slightly, goosebumps dotting his forearms. She held on tighter.

If he wasn't concentrating so hard on the road, he would have turned and kissed her forehead.

But this isn't how he dies. Not if he can help it.

It came cleanly, the realization. Not with a jolt, not with a gasp. He can help it. If only a little. If only with what little he can do. And what he can choose. He wasn't a lone drifting buoy in a thankless, limitless ocean. Even the stars above contrived to give direction.

They could see it now. The ocean. Aurora rubbed his chest, excited. He felt her giggle against his back and laughed himself, the wind snatching the sound.

This early in the day, the beach was almost deserted. This late in the year, it would probably stay that way. The sun flashed white and gold on the crests of waves. The breeze welcomed and tempted.

Alec halted on an unmarked stretch of asphalt, dropping the kickstand. Aurora clambered off, unbuckling his helmet. Her entire body seemed to tune itself to the sight of the waves, the calm shifting impermanence of them.

He went around to her side as she pulled the helmet off and set it down on the seat. Staring at her staring at the waves. Then her face changed.

"Oh, hey, look." She turned her head. He looked – at a sailboat, beginning to disembark from a dock at the farthest end. He whistled.

"Wanna get on it?"

She chuckled, and he heard the rustle of cloth. He turned to see her slipping off his brown coat, shaking her head ruefully. "No. Not today."

He let her slip his coat back onto him, bemused. He closed the lapels over his chest, watching her step forward, hair halfway down her back.

Christ. This girl.

She turned to him, so very slowly, and disquiet stabbed him precisely in the gut.

And it must have showed, because her smile widened slightly. A sad, sad smile, full of knowing and the sadness of that knowing.

He could walk into it, like the surf.

He stepped forward and took her hand, intertwining their fingers. Her smile brightened, loosening something inside him. "Shall we?"

They sat on the sand and watched the water change.

Aurora sat between his legs, head against his collarbone and shoulder, knees to her chest. Alec caved his body around hers, wrapping his arms around her, boot-clad feet flat on the sand.

"It's just the desert, but with water," he whispered into her ear.

She laughed, eyes closed. "You're not wrong."

He laughed with her, just once, immediately subsiding. He draped his right arm insouciantly over his knee. She played absentmindedly with his fingers.

She whispered, "I think I can leave now."

Alec closed his eyes.

Aurora persisted. "I think I'm just about done here. I wish I could stay, but I don't belong here. All those other times... Remember? I told you I felt complete. Now... fuck. Well, I don't know how I feel."