November nights are especially stricken with melancholy, as if the ghosts of all winter past come rushing to haunt her heart.
She was a captive of her love, her desire, and her dreams.
There's always a special quality to the loneliness of dusk, a...
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"To gain everything and lose everything in the space of a moment. That is the fate of all princes destined for the throne" -C.S. Pacat
༻❁༺
Fashioned from gold and gemstones it was but a work of man. A decoration. An ornament. A real crown a halo of light that is gifted by divine hands. A real king was listened to and followed because they are loved, wise and respected. That is the real crown, the love earned, the reasons the people need in order to become head of state, above all others.
It was the day of his coronation, a day Sebastian had dreamt of every waking moment of his life, not because of vanity or pride but because of Ruth. Not because of the title nor the crown, but because of her.
Being a king demanded a plethora of sacrifices, vows, and promises he was not ready to uphold, too young to uphold. But against all odds, he prayed for his coronation. For her. To have control over his life and wed her.
He wanted to serve her before he could ever serve his kingdom.
By nature a king had no friends who did not seek out favours, only he had enemies who favoured his title, sought after his wealth and power. The right romantic partner was of vital importance as they were the only true companion in a twisted world of royalty and power.
Words could not express the bottomless fear he had felt the moment he saw Ruth's father standing at the threshold. Her father was a round man with a small stature, Sebastian was twice his size but in that moment, he overpowered him in every sense. He had felt helpless, cornered.
Whatever proposition of marriage her father had made to Ruth, he hoped she did not agree so hastily out of spite. With her current emotions being so raw and potent he knew there were bound to be impulsive decisions on her end. The thread of trust he broke did not stop him from selfishly hoping she would not agree to her father's propositions.
Sebastien knew the hardships of an arranged union, he experienced first hand the sleepless nights laying in a bed with a stranger. The unbearable act of pretending, putting up a front to please the matchmakers. Being controlled and paired with a lover. It was unjust. They were humans with free will and emotions, not characters in a storybook.
He needed to talk to her and voice out his truth, he needed her to understand his point of view. There was no other choice, he was a prince-soon to be king-his whole life was a series of restrictions and rules. Hell, It took him days to convince his father to bequeath to him the throne before his child was born.
That look in her eyes will forever haunt him sleeplessly, the look of dejection and surrender. Her tears as she bowed to him, the irony when it was him who should've bowed, knelt before her.
"I'm sorry Sebastian. I was only taking a stroll, I didn't mean-" He could remember Aurora speaking to him, but her voice was muffled in his ears. Her words were a mess of letters as he solemnly watched his lover walk away.
It all felt like death just the same as bereavement, it choked the breath from his body and damned his mind into an abyss. What was once whole was shattered; where once was peace, emptiness thrived, echoes of a love he cherished.
That day their secret garden was contaminated by a woman he could not care less for. And when he turned back to look at his pregnant wife, he could do nothing more than blame her for everything in that moment, even though he had no right to. His fists were clenched and his jaw was locked. He had never laid his hands on a women nor was he ever planning to but he was never tempted to as much as that day.
It was like a horrid intrusive thought.
The pregnancy was no accident, it was a planned affair from the start. His father had demanded he beget an heir before he was to be crowned, and somehow Sebastian suspected that his father.. from the very beginning, knew about his relations with Ruth. That could only explain his forcefulness and haste.
He had kept it away from Ruth; his fathers request that is. He had no reason to keep such detrimental information to himself but he did. To him it seemed like at any moment she would lose her wits and leave him, that his marriage to Aurora was the last straw. He was afraid of losing her. He was afraid of the outcome. It was foolish of him, that much he knew.
If only he had been upfront and truthful, if only he had spoke to her about that matter, they could've figured out a plan to fix it together. He acted alone and impulsively did whatever he needed to reach his goal.
Now he was soon to be a father, responsible for another child's future. He had not thought of it too deeply up until that moment, his mind was consumed with a far greater purpose so much so that he failed to realize the weight of the situation and the consequences of his haste.
He managed to make everything crumble with his secrecy and lies. He made it far worse by keeping it away from her. Auroras pregnancy and his fatherhood will be announced at the end of the coronation.
There was a barrier between misery and joy, and there in laid Sebastian in a fortitude not of his own. His only will and reason to go on was to be with Ruth, she was the source of his resilience, his delusions.
As the heavy crown was lowered upon his head, only one though consumed him;
Fix what you have shattered.
"The new king of Sodien and his unborn heir!" The pope Voice echoed into the vast cathedral
