ateez os| dreams

hongsan

[a bit sad,,]

[hongjoong]

I come to push the door ajar, not surprised to see that faint glow smothered in a corner of the room. It wanders around the walls, flickering, as if it were playing tag with your mouse.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice your index finger relentlessly assaulting the same key on your keyboard as my feet drag me around the room. With the headphones plugging your ears, you didn't hear me, so I sit patiently on the bed, still staring at your computer screen and wonder if it's about time or speed.

It's three o'clock, my eyes are crinkled with fatigue, and waiting for you downstairs since midnight to watch the movie we promised to put on has bored me, if not saddened, or irritated me.

You don't like to be disturbed in the middle of a game and I'm not patient, yet you made me wait. And I'm still waiting.

When will you notice my presence? You blame me for working a few extra hours at work but as soon as I'm there, you offer this precious free time to fuck your video games.

You take a sip of orange juice before the glass makes a complaint as it finds the desk.

Your scent is on every inch of the bed, every square inch of the room, so cloistered you don't know what time it is. I am sure that the blue curtains have only you in their mouth.

Quarter past three, I yawn shyly, a tear in the corner of my eye. Me too I play, with the cords of my white sweater. In tailors, my arm comes to rest on my knee before my head rests in the hollow of my cold hand. My eyes go back and forth between my brown woolen socks and the back of your chair in the hope that the latter has turned over in the meantime. In vain. You stretch, cracking your knuckles, then throw a game.

A slight pinch creases my chest.

My eyes automatically roll back before I straighten up and limp forward to you. Sometimes I wish it was the other way around, that you would chase me until you lost your breath, at least once.

My feet stop a few inches from your shoulders, your shampoo makes me want to cry.
I want to smoke.

- Joongie?

My gaze prefers to hang over the void for a few more moments.
You can thank the colored lights on your computer for noticing my shadow on the pale paint.

A shiver timidly points the end of its nose on my skin when I feel your hand coming to lift my sweater to settle in the hollow of my kidneys.

- Aren't you asleep? My eyes start to shine. I remember waiting for you on the first step of the stairs. You're freezing," you whisper, starting to gently rub my lower back. Hey, hey.

Your hand tenderly grabs my cheek and I feel bad for cracking up like this, miserable in front of you. You force me to sit on your thighs but seeing you take the time to pause your game only causes more tears to fall.

They burn my face.

- Hongjoong," you whisper affectionately, your eyes consumed with worry and incomprehension. Tell me what's wrong. You scrutinize my expression in great detail, looking for a clue, but the answer is right under your nose. Did you have a nightmare?

The palm of my hand wipes my left eye. I don't even have the desire or the strength to answer you, to explain you, to argue with you or to fuck you as if everything was fine.

- Please talk to me.

The sound of your voice has faded and your eyes have begun to glisten under the bitterness of my tears.

- I need a cigarette...

You frown as I lower my head to play with the bottom of your shirt, like a child who has been pushed to the limit.

Your warmth caresses my bare legs before a spasm cools them down again.

- We said you'd stop," you begin without understanding. It was fine until now, your withdrawal was over, right?

What you don't understand, San, is that I miss you.

My chin comes to rest on your shoulder blade, exhausted.

- Hongjoong I love you. You kiss my cheek not having managed to reach my mouth. Don't do that.

Your short fingernails rake through my hair before you tuck your arm under my legs and carry me to the bed.

Tenderly, you fold the comforter over my curled-up body, not forgetting to caress my wet face with the back of your fingers, then you join me underneath. Our feet bicker innocently.

- I'm going to put us a film, oka..., you kill your words suddenly, of a blow of jaw.

Your hand is brought shamefully in front of your lips. My eyes finally dare to stab yours covered by guilt.

- Joong, oh no...

Oh yes...

Your teeth bite into your broken corner while your gaze threatens to flood us. You slowly shake your head from side to side, refusing to vomit the truth.
But then again, I spit it out for you.

Maybe this will be the last time.

- If it's not my addiction, it's yours that will kill me, San.

————————

if you have any request tell me :)

By the way !! Take a look at my new story ;
Inked |p.seonghwa

Crimes, tattoos and mystery room with to law roommate students :)