Eternal || DPR IAN

11. Mood

(A/N: The italic font means that the voice inside Ian's mind is speaking to him. AKA Mito:p)

Ian's POV:

Some months have gone by since the incident and things are a bit, how to say it, hasty? My poor shining star hasn't had much trouble, and that's okay; but me? I've been slowly going manic. My episodes have gotten worse, and I've had to shove those issues aside. 
     The fans and the media think we're on a break from music, but things could be more different. Somehow, I'm going to have to gather all my mental health and strength, get up, and visit Dabin in his new home, Jail. 
    "Chris? You in here?" I heard her voice, pulling me out of my train of thought. "Come in." I enunciated as I scribbled on some paperwork. "Am I interrupting?" She asked. "Not at all. Take a seat please." I offered. 
    "How are things going?" She asked. "They're alright." Lie. "That's good to hear. Do you need any help with anything?" If only she knew. "Not at all. Thanks though." Lie. Shut up. No, you. Shut up. Wuss. Who are you calling a wuss? You. Can't even go a day without having a mental breakdown. Thanks to you. Welcome. Shut up before I take us both out. Sounds tempting. You little- 
   "Christian, are you sure you're okay?" She said, once again, pulling out of my mind. "Huh? Oh. Yeah, totally." Lies. Shut the fuck up already. "It's about Dabin, right?" She asked. "Not really." Lies, I say. Fuck off.
   "Wanna talk about it?" She offered. "I'm alright. Thanks, really." I said with a chuckle. "Chris, go visit him." She spoke. "What?" Don't play dumb. "I'll take care of things. I'll have one of the guys help me." She said with a small smile.
   "Are you sure?" I asked. "Totally. Now, go on." She motioned towards the door. I nodded and got up. I grabbed my jacket and keys before walking towards the door. "Chris?" She called out. "Yeah?" I questioned with one foot out the door. "Do let him know I wish him well." Pure heart. The purest. 
    "Alright. Call me if you need anything." I said before leaving. Somehow, I was anxious to meet him. Afterall, I was the one who sent him to jail. Besides, I had no fucking idea if he would lash out on me. That, however, we must find out.
     Taking the few courage and strength I had left, I balled up my thoughts and sped to the county jail. Dabin had gotten his sentence a while back. The final word being a year in prison and two months of community service. Of course, I had gotten him attorneys that helped me in the past, and although he didn't understand why I was helping him, he let me know he appreciated it. 
    Bin sent me crafts and letters monthly. He wrote a letter telling me he was thankful I helped him easy the sentence and promised to consult with a therapist. And he kept his word. The therapist who helped him, was a very good acquaintance of mine and told me he was slowly progressing. 
    Of course, that eased me. However, I couldn't help but over think about it. It seemed as though that was the only thing I was good at. Overthinking, yet once again, I lost track of the road and missed my exit. 
    "Shit." I muttered. I sped to the next exit and made a turn to get myself on track. Great. Another thing I mess up. Not wanting to waste any more time, as soon as I arrived at the parking lot, I got off my bike and ushered inside. 
    "Next." The officer called. "Ah. You again." She spoke. "Hi." I spoke. "ID?" She asked. I handed it to her, and she gave me my visitors tag. "Go on." She spoke. I thanked her quickly and hurried to the visitor's tables. Soon, Dabin walked in and sat down. 
    "You look like shit." He said with a laugh. "Yeah, nice seeing you too." I replied with the same laugh. "No, I mean it. Everything okay?" He asked. "I should be the one asking you that. Not the other way around." I scoffed. "Well, given the fact that I've known your ass for so long, I know something's up." He shrugged. Forgot about that. 
    "Been better. What about you?" I asked. "Life's been nice. I'm slowly putting myself together. I've only got four more months in this bitch and we're out." He spoke as he stretched out. "Speaking of which, I wanted to speak to you about something." He, in no time, turned serious. He motioned for me to go on and so I did. 
    "Seeing that you'll be released soon, I wanted to ask you for something." I asked, feeling myself growing a bit uneasy. "What can I do for you?" He asked. "Would you be willing to go to a therapy session with me? As a duo. You don't have to answer me right now. I just want you to consider it." I rambled. 
   "I knew something was up. Have they been getting to you?" He questioned as he pointed to his head. "What do you mean?" I asked as I leaned in. "She told me you've been losing you're shit. Overworking and overthinking." He spoke, leaning in as well. "She was here?" I interrogated. 
    "Don't get mad at her. She only wants the best for you." He spoke. "I know, but I think I could've handled this alone." He rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Yeah, that's why you drove all the way here, interrupting your schedule, to assure me you can really do it alone." He sarcastically replied. 
    "Oh, fuck off, for heaven's sake." I rolled my eyes. "To answer you, yes. I will attend that session so you can understand what the fuck was going through my mind at that time and so you can stop blaming yourself for putting my ass here." He spat. "But I did. I put you in this horrid place, knowing damn well what it fucking feels like." I contradicted. 
   "Would you stop that shit? I already had a record and knew damn well that if I fucked up again, I would end up here. I chose to do what I did because I was stupid and filled with feelings I couldn't process at that time. It was my fault. Not yours and most certainly not hers. Stop blaming yourself for shit you didn't do, for fucks sakes." I was shocked at his words, but knew they were laced with truth. 
    "You really wanna fix things?" I asked him. "There's nothing to fix. Friends fight all the time. But you should really work on yourself. Take meds if they're given to you." He responded. "Do I look that fucked over?" I asked with a laugh. "You sound like it too." He laughed as well. 
    "Can I ask you something?" He asked. "Yeah." I replied. "Why'd you help me?" Oh. That. "I felt like shit." I replied. "Clearly, but why?" He pushed on. "Well, part of me knew you deserved to be here, but the other half begged to differ." I said, fiddling with one of my rings. "When I heard you could get up to four years in here, I immediately called the best team of lawyers I know." He nodded and sighed. 
    "But why? I hurt her. I hurt you. Why? I deserved those four years." He bargained. "Because I wasn't going to let you rot in this shit hole for four fucking years. That's not what friends do. I knew you needed to learn your lesson, but I was sure as fuck not leaving you in here that long." I spoke with furrowed brows. "Why not?" He interrogated once again. 
     "Because I've been in here before. I felt like shit for putting your ass in here, even after I knew what it was like. You'd go manic if they didn't ease your sentence and give you therapy. Trust me." I sighed. "It seems as though I'm the free bird and you're the inmate." He spoke. "Meaning?" I asked, completely oblivious to his point. 
     "You gotta free this." He said as he pointed to his head. "Mental freedom is key. I may be locked up but, in my mind, I'm as free as you are. I'm setting myself free from all that shit that once held me down. Maybe you should do the same." He suggested. "Perhaps." I answered. 
    "Christian, I know for a fact, no matter how many times I tell you I put myself in here, you will still blame yourself. Therefore, I ask that your stubborn ass goes seek professional help while I get out of here." He offered with a pleading gaze. "I will. Been considering it for some time now." I confessed. He smiled and just then, a guard came to tell us we had five minutes left. 
     "She said she wished the best for you. And so do I. I want my friend back." I spoke. "You still have your friend. He's just a little hidden at the moment. He'll be back." He said with a chuckle. "Take care, Bin. I mean that shit." I said as I pulled him for a brief embrace. 
    "Promise you'll seek help while I get out to go together." He requested. "I promise, you childish little fuck." I said laughing lightly with him. "Also, tell that bitter fuck inside your head to fuck off." He said referring to the voices in my mind. "He heard you." I said with a chuckle as we separated. 
     "We have musical exhibition next week. I better see your ass here." He said as the guard came for him. "Surely will. Exact day?" I asked. "Thursday at three." He spoke. "Later loser." He said with a chuckle as he walked away with the guard. I chuckled and nodded before walking out of that place.  
    No, that talk did not solve all of my problems, but it did solve the main one. It made me realize that Bin doesn't hate me and for that I'm happy. At least I can rest on that. However, that only incites me to work harder on myself. 
   I know my episodes will be a bit less intense now, but that doesn't mean I can discard therapy. I need it and I know that. The only thing I'm worried about it how she will perceive it. Yeah, she's comprehensive, but after she knows how things really are, will she stay? Will she see me as the same man who loves her? 
   "Chris, you alright?" I heard Scott call out. "Sorta. What's up?" I questioned. "We kinda have a problem." He said looking uneasy. "What happened?" I asked as I gave him my full attention. "The media got a photo of you exiting the county jail and now they're releasing their shitty theories." He spoke. Oh fuck. Just great. 
   "Well, with the pause and all, it was only a matter of time before they grew curious." I implied. "Have they contacted any of us yet?" I asked as I looked for emails and articles. "They were asking for interviews, but I turned them down saying that we were simply on a break." Scott elaborated. 
    "Can you pull up the inmate roster for the county jail, please?" I requested as I held my breath. If Dabin was listed on the website roster, we were truly fucked over. Completely. "I got it. I'm checking for Dabin, but he doesn't show up." He asked as he checked over and over. I let go of my breath and thanked god. 
    "It says there's no records for Bin." Scott said as he displayed his screen on the tv of the meeting room. "Thank god." I muttered. "Not to put any more pressure on you, but you and I both know it's only a matter of time before someone gets bribed and shit breaks loose. Either that, or the media will start pulling up fed up and demanding answers." He said typing away.
    "Fuck the media. It's only a matter of time before the fans find out we're not coming clean and then what? We can't afford to disappoint them." I spoke as I opened up an email. "So should we come up with a press conference or what do you suggest?" He asked. 
    "I say we leave things the way they are." I sighed. "What? You know-" "Scott, I know that it's the least convenient thing to, in your mind, but let me explain." I said turning to him. "I was seen coming out of the county jail, right?" I spoke. "Yeah and?" He said oblivious to where this was all going.
    "If we come out and say that Bin's on rest for personal reasons, they'll add one and one and figure it out. However, if we just let the media talk, people will believe that it's all a fabricated lie by them and ignore it until it vanishes." I explained. "That has to be one of the smartest things I've ever heard you elaborate." Scott said causing both of us to chuckle. 
    "What if they pull up on us while we go out and things of that sort?" He questioned. "We just say we had somethings to check and if that doesn't shut them up, then we'll just say I had a speeding ticket or got a ticket for forgetting to wear a helmet. Leave that to me." I said patting his shoulder. "Yeah, it sounds like you have that figured out." Scott laughed. I hummed in response and carried out with our day.
    There's no way I'm going to damage Dabin any further. I already did enough by throwing his ass in jail. The least I could do is lie and save him more trouble. Even if that means getting my image dirty. What's a life without a little risk? It's what's friends do.

Sorry for the delay and any typos jksjsj Merry Christmas to you all<33- Vermilion:):