RESOLUTION [BOOK II] | JENLISA

TWENTY-THREE

JENNIE

***

I pulled up outside Joanna’s office a week after our first session. We’d agreed not to go back—not wanting to be seen and remembered by her secretary—but I couldn’t resist the urge to see her again.

Lisa was ready to kill her. To take her out and be done with it all, but I just wasn’t.

Meeting her had changed my mind.

I could never explain it to my wife, but in the strangest way, I felt as if Joanna was me.

With a twist of fate, I could’ve been her. If one of the husbands, boyfriends, or fathers of any of her victims had killed my wife, I’d be the woman left behind.

The liability.

Perhaps they would’ve killed me simply for loving her.

Even if I was oblivious to her crimes.

Was Joanna oblivious? Surely she didn’t know what she was doing. Not to children… She was a therapist. Of all people, she understood the ramifications.

It was why I needed to go back. To look her in the eye without Lisa there, to talk to her honestly and try to get a better read on who she was as a person.

“Annie?” The door to her office opened, and she stepped out, her eyes washing over me. “I’m so glad you could come.” Her smile seemed so genuine I wanted to believe her.

Then again, it was her job to make me believe her, wasn’t it?

How many of her clients did she actually like?

How many did she dread seeing?

I stood, following her lead as she ushered me into the office. “Thanks for fitting me into your schedule. You’re probably wondering why I’m here alone…” I sat on the sofa and watched as she moved to sit in front of me, her brows knitted together with apparent confusion. “The truth is, I think I might see more benefit from coming to see you by myself than if Lizzie and I came together.”

“I see…” She studied me.

“She’s not really big on therapy, as I’m sure you could tell, but I think you might be able to help me, even if I can’t get her back.”

She nodded slowly, obviously processing the fact that we weren’t coming back. “What is it you need help with?”

Suddenly, I felt as if I’d overstepped. “Is this okay?” I moved to stand. “If this is out of line, just let me know. You’ve already met the two of us. I can understand if it’s against the rules for you to see me separat—”

“Annie, sit,” she said, holding a hand out. “You aren’t breaking any rules. I’m glad you’re here.”

Whether or not it was true, I wanted to believe it.

“Thank you.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. This is kind of overwhelming, you know?”

She gave a nod. “What’s overwhelming?”

“All of this. I mean, I wanted to see you with Lizzie, but she won’t come with me. She says she doesn’t think you can help.” I corrected myself. “Not you, specifically. Just therapy in general.” Inhaling deeply, I leaned over my knees. “I’m sorry, can we start over?”

“Just breathe, Annie…” She instructed, her tone soothing. “Just take a breath. Let’s start out with why you think you’re here.”

I nodded. That I could answer. “I’m here because…sometimes I think I can’t trust my wife. And I’m not sure if that’s a her problem or a me problem.”

“Okay. And what specifically are you struggling to trust her with? Has she been unfaithful?”

I looked away, unsure how to answer that question. Of course she’d be en unfaithful. Once when she’d had permission to be, but countless other times, too. The problem was, it wasn’t the infidelity that bothered me. Not really. It was everything else.

“No. Not really.”

She waited for me to say more.

“This is a safe space. Whatever you say here, you can trust that I won’t say a word to Lizzie.”

I rested my head in my palms. It had been so long since I felt safe. Perhaps I was only realizing that for the first time right then. What I’d mistaken as safety with Lisa hadn’t felt like this.

Here, I was in a cocoon.

Home felt like a web.

“Lizzie’s not unfaithful, but she’s obsessive…”

“Over you?”

“No. Over her hobbies.”

“Fencing,” she filled in, obviously remembering the subject that had taken up so much of our time during the couple’s session.

“Right.”

“And that makes you feel lonely.”

“She won’t let me do it with her. I mean, there’ve been a few times. And when we do, it’s really good. Great, actually. It’s like, that’s the only time we can connect.”

“When you fence?”

If she thought it was odd, she wasn’t letting on. “Right, but it’s like she gets possessive over it. She won’t let me all the way in.”

She tilted her head to the side slightly. It was rare to talk to someone who really cared to listen. Joanna was that kind of person, even if it was only because she was being paid. “Tell me, does Lizzie involve herself in your hobbies? Does she make an effort to do the things you enjoy?”

What did I enjoy? Truth was, I had no idea anymore.

“Not really, no.”

“Do you invite her to join you?”

I chewed my bottom lip. “I don’t really have hobbies.”

“Everybody has hobbies…”

“My best friend, Roseanne, she’s the one who spends time with me when I just need to relax. But we don’t really do anything. Just watch trashy TV and snack, usually.”

“A woman after my own heart.” She smiled. So, we were alike. “And how does Lizzie feel about that? About Roseanne being the person you go to when you need to relax?”

“Lizzie and Roseanne have a”—I fought to suppress a grin—“complicated relationship.”

“I see.”

“I mean, they’re fine. It’s just a long, sordid history.”

She nodded, picking up the pen and blank notepad from the table in front of her. “Okay, so let’s go back a bit. Tell me about when you first met Lizzie. What attracted you to her?”

“We were in college…” I started in on the story, settling into the part of our past I was incredibly comfortable with.

The safe part.

The cozy part.

Before the fencing.

Before everything changed.