Grievances & Gratitude

Why care?

This is an important question and one I've struggled with for many years. What makes it even more interesting to me is that after exiting a drug and alcohol induced haze that lasted for several years I really thought to myself this is it, now I get to enjoy all of the finer things in life I've been missing out on! Wrong. Could not be more wrong. Observing life through the eyes of a sober person has only reminded me why it was I liked to get screwed up in the first place. I am not going to deny that there is much beauty in the world and there is even some in my fellow humans but this notion that "life is so much better when sober" is simply ridiculous.

In my sobriety I've returned to the basics. If you're like me you bury yourself in books, films,and long walks with the headphones on. Walking with headphones on is a great way to ensure that nobody you choose to not speak with can later claim that you ignored them. I'm sorry! I didnt hear you. They will never know that the battery on whatever listening device you have died hours ago.

Being an observant person is very taxing. Being an observant and caring person can just be plain bad for you. It's far too easy to be sucked into a major spell of depression after just an hour of news. Who bombed who? Who chopped off who's head today? What idiot killed his entire family because he wanted to send them to heaven? A lady drowned her car full of kids because she could not find a sitter for that hot date she had later. A man leaves his handgun out and his ten year old son sends his playmate into eternity. So you say, I'm getting out of the house. I think I'll run to the store. When you get to the average American grocery store and meander around for a little while you'll wonder how in the world we managed to survive this long. Aisle upon aisle of processed poison being shoved into carts by the unhealthiest looking creatures imaginable. Sure, there are some healthly folks in great shape who are loading up in the fruit and vegetable section but then you wonder why bother? They're going to die anyway and besides I can't be like them because I can't afford yoga pants or nylon bicycle shorts. In a last ditch effort you leave the grocery store having bought stuff you don't need and you plan on going to the park. Yes the park! you think The park has always been a safe place, a quiet place where I can really connect with nature and escape the hustle and bustle of the world! Right? Wrong. Wrong again. Little League World Series is going on which normally would be a great thing being that I love baseball. But there is one problem. Where there are little league ball players there are little league ball player's parent's. You know the really loud, overbearing, "I'm not really here to support my kid but rather my ego" folks. So you abandon the idea of watching a little baseball and decided to go for a walk. You realize it's probably a good thing you didn't bring your dog, a beverage, a cigarette or a radio because the sign you just saw says that all of those things are forbidden on park grounds.

You think. This is what I gave up getting high for? You need to remember something good. You need to remember what is worthy of gratitude. Give me a moment and I'll be back with something.