Two Hours Away

Chapter Fifteen

I had walked back into my room after talking to James.  I looked at Mira's confused face and told her about what had happened.  Mira gasped and brought her hand to her mouth.

"Why?" I cried, "He was so nice.  I can't believe James didn't tell anyone."

"Jenni," Mira questioned, " What are you planning?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"There's something," she said, "I can tell."

"I think I should come home from Eastview at the end of the year ."

"Jenni, why don't you just see how things work out?"

"Because this is different."

"How is it different Jenni?" 

"It, it just is."

Later, despite what Mira told me, I sat down at my desk while she slept.  It was midnight and I was very tired.  I wrote and erased and re-wrote.  I couldn't think of how to tell my mother that what had made her so happy for so long had to be no more.  And despite that, how was I supposed to tell her to keep it a secret?  I rubbed my temples and thought for almost thirty minutes.  Finally, at two in the morning, I wrote the final draft.  The letter that I would give my mother and father and regret for the rest of my life.

In my life, I had always felt like the only thing that mattered in life was for everyone around me to be happy.  I figured that if everyone else was happy, then i didn't have to be for everything to fall into place.  I always knew that James felt that way too, but after tonight, I realized how terribly that went.  I realized, after long hours of thought that I needed to be happy.  If I didn't do things for myself every once in a while, even if every one else was happy, I would never truly feel happy.

Dear Mom, 

I know that you and Dad really want me to go to Eastview, but I'm not happy here anymore.  I know this is what you want, but I feel like I miss so much being gone.  I need to come home because I don't enjoy things here anymore.  

Mom, I have always thought that as long as every one else was happy, I didn't need to be.  I thought that things would just fall into place.  After seeing how things worked with James, I know that is wrong.  I think that I need to come home and start doing some things for myself instead of working non-stop to make you guys happy.  I didn't used to think so, but I think I can take it.  I think I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for.  

I haven't truly been happy, and I realize now that that  is a lot more important than I thought.  When I first heard about the opportunity, I thought it would be great.  I thought I needed a fresh start.  But now I realized that that's not what I need.  I thought I needed a fresh start, but I need to finish what I started here.  

I need to ask you not to tell anyone about my decision.  I think I need to figure some things out before people start questioning me.  I'm sorry for not giving you and Dad what you wanted from me.  

-Jenni

Still crying in Mira's embrace, I snapped back into reality.  Her hug was warm and I was glad I had her there for me.  While she hugged me, I began to cry again.

"I'm going to miss you Jenni," she cried.

"I'll miss you too."

"Are you sure about this?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, "I am.  And I need to go see Austin."

"Okay," Mira said.  I walked out of the room and tentatively down the hall.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, i reached my destination.  Room 102 stared back at me.  I knocked on the door.  Vic answered and looked at me.  

"Jenni," he yawned, "what are you doing here?"

"Is Austin here?" I asked.

Vic pointed inside, "Yeah, he's right over there.  Hey, Is Mira back at your room?"

"Yeah, you can go on back there," I said.  He walked swiftly past me and out the door.  I walked into the room.  Austin was sitting on his bed staring at his phone.  I closed the door behind me and he jumped.  He quickly looked at his phone and put it away.  

"Jenni," he said, "What happened when you went home?"  I explained what happened back at home and Ausyin came up to hug me.  

"It's okay Jenni."

"No, you need to explain what's going on."

"Nothing's going on."

"Don't even pretend that you don't know."  Austin stepped in closer to me and held me tight.

"You don't have to worry about me doing anything, Jenni," he said and smiled the smile that had been melting my heart since I met him, "I love you." And that's when the first amazing thing of that night happened to me.  I beleived him.

"I love you too," I said.  That's when the second amazing thing that night happened.  I meant it.  Alex didn't matter anymore.  He wasn't even on my mind.  Right after, the third amazing thing that night happened.  I kissed him, but it wasn't an ordinary kiss.  I fell in love directly after that.