NOT THE SAME (DUSKWOOD FANFIC SERIES)

PROMISE

We don't talk for hours. I don't move my head away from the window even though after a while I had a strong desire to look into his direction. He had offered me some sandwiches in the beginning of our ride and I didn't refuse because it would've been really stupid. He knew I had not eaten proper food for more than 24 hours.

I wondered where he got the food from. I bet it was not from the motel or anywhere nearby because there was absolutely no sign or life or anything around expect trees and endless empty roads.

I was growing impatient now. we were in the car for hours, I had not one to talk to and sitting in the same position for a long time made my body ache. How could he drive for so long? without showing any sign of exhaustion?

I swallow when I look at him. I couldn't see him clearly when he was driving the first time we met because it was night and very dark. In this broad daylight, his posture, his movements, even the way he sat and the way his face was glowing when the sunlight reflected, everything about him made my jaw drop. It's impossible for a human being to look this attractive. iI hated the fact that he was irresistible. I hated that I wanted to hug him so bad right now.

Why? Why did I still want him after what he did? Why do I feel safe with him? Why do I feel like he would never harm me even though I've been trying really hard to convince myself that he was not to be trusted.

This was crazy. I can't handle this. 

"Stop the car." I command him, sitting up straight and setting my hair. 

"Why?" he asks, not even glancing at me. 

"I need to pee, Jake" I add more when he doesn't stop "Do you want my urine all over your seat?"

He turns the car towards the side of the road and faces me "Five minutes."

"Does that mean you'll leave if I'm not back in five minutes?" My eyebrow rises.

"I don't want your pee all over my car seat. Hurry up and do your thing." I'm surprised by his sudden strong voice. It doesn't sound mean but I guess he never talked to me like that. His voice was always neutral or soft or absolutely terrifying.

I get off the car and breathe in the fresh air. Everything is green around me, it feels good. I walk without looking back, somehow I could feel his eyes on me. I keep walking deeper into the forest having no idea where I was heading. After a few minutes, I stop and settle down with a tree against my back do I could lean. 

I sit there for a long time staring at particularly nothing, processing the changes in my life. Being near Jake and not being able to touch him was pure torture.

I wished I could just disappear, forget about everything, start a new life somewhere... isn't that what we all wish for, all the time? so we could get away from our brutal realities and disturbing thoughts? so we could forget all the sad memories and traumas that haunt us both day and night?

We know it's impossible to just vanish but we still hope. Hoping it gets better. Hoping for something magical. A miracle.

We are hopeless without hope. When we go hopeless, we die. So there's nothing we can do but hope. That's sad-

"It's been thirty minutes." I hear Jake's voice behind me and I flinch.

I don't turn around and wait until he is standing beside where I sit "I'm surprised you didn't abandon me."

He didn't reply anything to that "What are you doing here?"

"We need a break from our journey." I roll my eyes.

He hesitates but sits beside me anyway "We should be hurrying up, you know."

"Don't you ever get tired? You've been driving constantly. I have never seen you take rest."

He turns to me "I thought you were mad at me."

I can't help but smile "I hate you so much."

"Maybe it's better this way." He whispers, sighing.

Confused, I ask "What do you mean?"

He stares at my lips for barely a second and for a moment I think I had imagined it, but I know I didn't.

Removing his eyes from my face, he spoke "It is my promise to keep you safe and I will keep protecting you, even though sometimes you may not understand my ways. I just hope you still trust me enough to know that I will not harm you."

"I don't know what to do anymore." I throw my hands up in the air in frustration.

"Do you really hate me?" He asks, again with that look, he stares at my lips and lets out a heavy breath.

I can practically hear nothing but my heartbeat now. My chest hurts and I want to pull his head and kiss him and...

"I can't control myself around you." his voice is rough and soft which drives me even more mad.

I can't believe myself when I say "don't control yourself."

Now we both are staring intensively at each other's lips but none of us move further. It's like there's an invisible wall between us.

His head lowers "I'm terrible person. We can't..." He shakes his head "We are not supposed to be doing this." There's so much guilt in his voice.

He moves away to get up but I grab his hand and pull him towards me. I touch his face. His body tenses by this unexpected moment but then he leans into my touch and closes his eyes, letting out a tiny moan.

His face is build by a sculpturer, it seems. Perfect curves and edges. So smooth, it's the softest thing I've ever touched. 

His hands find my other hand which lay on my side. He holds it with both of his hands and my entire body is alive with heat. His divine scent is everywhere. I stroke his cheek.

His eyes open and I withdraw my hand when he tilts his face from my hand but still holds my other hand. 

I thought he would open his mouth to tell me that we should be leaving now but he doesn't. Between one blink and other, his mouth is in mine and his hands are in my hair. There's no softness or patience in our kiss. Soon, I'm flat on my back and he holds himself above me. His mouth moves to explore my neck. 

I put my hands on his shoulders and try pushing him, I start "Jake, tell me-" but he finds a spot on my neck and drops quick hot kisses and I forget what I wanted to say.

I try pushing him again just for a moment "Tell me you won't ever leave me."

His breathing is uneven but he manages to reply "Jade, I think you already know the consequences of being with me."

I want to know his answer, I say in anger and rush "I don't care. Promise me you won't leave me."

He tries to sit back but I have my fingers tightly curled on his hoodie "Jade. You need to think about this-"

I repeat "I don't care." Pulling him close, I speak "I really want you."

He smiles. He really smiles and then whispers "I promise."