The Book Club

Chapter Ten

(This Chapter is in Nancy's P.O.V.)
I never felt like this before. It was strange but also it felt right. Besides the constant pain of knowing anyone could think differently of me at a drop of a hat because of who I'm with. Like I never really thought differently of Robin when I found out she was a lesbian besides sometimes wondering if she looked at my ass while I walked away but I guess my questions are answered now. Am I rambling? This is weird. I apologize dear reader. For god sakes, I really think someone is reading this. I mean it's me, I'm Nancy Wheeler. I'm not a very interesting person so just skip this chapter because I promise you that I'm not very interesting. You'll probably start to fall asleep by the time I get this far.
Currently it's 3 in the morning. I'm laying next to my girlfriend. Oh lord, that's so strange to say. My girlfriend. My girlfriend? My girlfriend. It's still not in my brain completely. Maybe I need more time to process this. Although, she's so cute when she sleeps. I'm not sleeping of course. I can't sleep. Robin and I have been together for about two months now. It's been a couple weeks since my mom found out and she took it strangely well. She treats Robin like one of us Wheeler kids. She likes Robin which is perfect but it's kinda weird when I bring Robin over after she gets off work and my mom gives Robin a hug before me. Mike has been acting weird though. It's like he thinks differently of us now. When he's home I keep Robin in my room because lord knows if he's gonna do something stupid. I leaned back onto my pillow. I don't know if it would make sense if I said that I was secretly hoping that Robin woke up so I could talk to her. I just want to talk to her about what's going on in my brain. I turned over on my side and poked her cheek, hoping that was enough to wake her up. "Nance, what are you doing?" Her tired voice said through the pillow. She always slept on her stomach with her head pushed into the pillow. She's so cute, especially when she snores.
"I can't sleep." Technically it wasn't a lie. It was true that I couldn't sleep but I was thinking about too many things to let my brain calm down long enough to let me sleep. Robin opened her eyes and rolled onto her side so she was facing me.
"Why not?" She asked as she pushed my hair out of my face. Oh how I loved when she did that. I took her hand and held it to my mouth, placing a kiss over her knuckles. "Nance, too late for that." She whispered as she looked at me. I could see her eyes in the dark. They were so pretty. Oh my god, she's so pretty.
"I'm not trying to get in your pants." I stifled a laugh as I scooted closer to her. I bit my lip for a moment, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I needed to tell her why I couldn't sleep because if I didn't then I would have woke her up for nothing. "I can't sleep because... because I keep having nightmares." I leaned against Robin, putting my face into her chest to hide myself. There was a bit of silence before I felt her arms wrap around my head, holding me into her.
"Aw, Nance. About what?" Her voice was groggy, a little gravely from just waking up. She ran her fingers through my hair as I worked up the courage to tell her. Oh lord she's gonna hate me. How do I tell my girlfriend of barely two months that I've been having nightmares about her mom beating the shit out of me? I guess I could just say that but it wouldn't sound right. "Babe?" What? Did she just- Did she just call me babe?
"Remember when your mom saw me and freaked out and almost hit me?" I sat up, watching her as her eyes squinted at me, trying to focus on me in the dark. She sighed and leaned over to the nightstand, clicking on the lamp next to her. I let our eyes adjust to the light before continuing. "I keep having dreams that she comes back while I'm here and doesn't take it too great." Robin pushed her eyebrows together. "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have-" Robin grabbed the sides of my arms and pulled me into a hug. I lifted my hands and held her back, holding her to me. She pushed her face into the crook of my neck, kissing me softly. It wasn't anything sexual. It was just for comfort, and it was working. She just left soft little pecks along my shoulder. She was so good at comfort. I leaned my forehead against hers and just sat there for a minute.
"It's okay, Nance. Believe me, I've had my fair share of those nightmares." Her eyes closed as she spoke. It hurt me a little bit to know she had to deal with Melissa her entire life and my mom was the picture perfect housewife. I try to make up for all those times she was hurt by giving her as much affection as possible. There is so much affection that I need to give her to make up for that though. "Do you know what will help you sleep?" She whispered to me as she turned off the lamp next to her. I raised my eyes brows waiting for her to answer her own question. She laid her head back down on the pillow and motioned for me to lay next to her and of course I obeyed. Her hand slid over the top of my stomach, pulling me into her to be her little spoon. "Cuddles." I could hear the smile in her voice. I smiled as well, closing my eyes.
It was a calming experience. It was nice to be asleep next to someone. There was the occasional elbow getting jammed into my side or a snore that was a little too loud that it woke me up. I never complained though. It was worth it to be next to her. It was worth it to cover up with her blanket and smell her on the fabric. Her pillows were so fluffy to the point where they cushioned my face in all the right places. I was never too hot, I was never too cold either. Her house was always at the perfect temperature. At my house, the thermostat was alway an argument. I liked it cold in the house because if I was too cold I could just cover up with a blanket or jacket. My mom and Mike liked it toasty though. They liked it to be hot enough to be comfortable but not summer weather. It was way too hot for me.
"You dirty slut. You're turning my daughter into a queer." A voice scowled at me. I looked around. Melissa was standing before me. Her clothes were dirty and she smelled like cheap vodka. Oh no, I'm dreaming again. I didn't respond to Melissa, I just looked for a way out. I was in the kitchen. I was where I was before Robin pushed me out of the way. Usually in these dreams Robin is here too. She wasn't this time. It was just Melissa and I in the kitchen. I reached for the front door. Maybe if I left the house I would wake up. I walked towards the door but I didn't move. I was stuck in the same place. Melissa got closer to me, her hand raising in the air as she approached me. Where's Robin? She's always here. She's always in this dream. She's not here. Where is she?
"Nance!"
My eyes opened. I was awake. I was safe. I looked around, trying to let my brain wake up also. Robin's hands were placed firmly on my shoulders, almost squeezing a little bit. I put my hand on her's and smiled, letting her know I was okay. "It was just a dream. I'm fine." I pulled the blanket off my legs and got up, leaving Robin on the bed behind me. I stumbled into the bathroom, still a little asleep from the abrupt waking. I closed the door then stood in front of the sink. All I could do was stare at myself. Damn it, Nancy. Melissa isn't even your mom. You shouldn't be having nightmares about her when you're not the one who had to undergo the abuse. I turned on the water and ran my hands under it, letting the cold water calm me down a bit. There was a quiet knock on the door behind me. I paused in terror, waiting for a reason.
"Uh, Nance. There's pads and tampons under the sink. I don't think you know you started your..." My heart rate sped up. I drowned out Robin's words with my own worried thoughts. Why was she telling me this? I looked in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Holy shit. I started my period. There's blood all over my ass. Shit. Fucking shit. Oh no. Robin's bed. SHIT. Okay Nance. You need to calm down. Just take a moment. Just breathe. "Nance? Can I open the door a bit?" I nodded then realized Robin couldn't see me nod. Damn.
"Uh, y-yeah." I gulped as I spoke, trying to process everything. The door cracked open just enough so Robin could stick her hands in the crack. She held out a stack of clothes and waited for me to take them. I took the stack out of her hands then she immediately closed the door. Wow. She had handed me a pair of her pajama pants, a towel, and a pair of her underwear.
"I know it's kinda gross to share underwear but I figured anything would work for you. I've got everything handled out here, Nance. I recommend a hot shower and clean pants." She added a little giggle at the end, immediately making me feel better about the whole situation. I let out a soft sigh of relief and set the stack of clothes down on the counter. I don't know what I would do without her.
I came out of the bathroom a couple minutes later, my dirty clothes in hand. Robin was waiting on the edge of her bed for me. Aw. She had changed her sheets while I was in the bathroom, a new blue bedspread took the place of the old one. She took my clothes out of my hands and walked out of the room, returning a couple minutes later. "Rob.."
"No, don't start. It's okay." I felt horrible. "Everything is in the washer so it'll be clean for you tomorrow." She glanced over to the alarm clock on her nightstand, dragging my eyes to it also. It was five in the morning. Jesus. Robin kept her eyes on me, her expression wasn't sad. It was something else but I couldn't put my finger on it. I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to hide. I think she could tell I was embarrassed. She pushed her hands onto my hips, her face resting on my shoulder. "I'm tired." Her voice whispered to me. All I could do was laugh. I just burst into a laugh. I have no idea why because it definitely was not a time to be laughing but I did. I just laughed. She leaned her head up so she could see me. Robin leaned away from me and put her hands on the sides of my face, slightly pushing my cheeks together. "You gonna keep laughing or kiss me?" Her face got closer to mine, my heart fluttering a bit. As we kissed I could only think about the dream I had. She wasn't there to save me. She was here now though and she was with me. I slid my hand up her arm, holding her forearm to remind myself that she was there. Her hand slid down my back, getting closer to my ass. Suddenly her arm was under my legs, she had lifted me off the ground. I bet it was easy because I was so... petite. "Let's go to bed, Wheeler." Her voice was still a little groggy. She dropped me down on the bed, causing me to bounce a bit. She crawled over me, taking her spot next to me.
"Will you hold me?" God, that sounded lame. She nodded and scooted closer, wrapping her arms around me. She always smelled nice. I pushed my face into her chest, practically using her as a pillow as I started to fall asleep. I was occasionally woken up by my brain flooding with thoughts about my nightmares. Robin didn't fall asleep. Her fingers slid through my hair, her other hand rubbing my back. I loved the feeling of her fingers on me. Her- her fingers on my hair. Jesus. Come on, Nancy. I just needed her. I relied on her. "Rob?"
"Hm?" Her voice hummed.
"I got into Notre Dame." Oh yes, this is the perfect time to break the news. This is the perfect time at 5:30 am after I just soiled, bad choice of words, Robin's sheets. Robin leaned away from me so she could see me. She knew Notre Dame University was a big deal for me because I had been talking about it since we met a couple years ago. I wanted to go to New York but I needed to stay in Indiana. I had to stay close to my family.
"Holy shit. Nance!" Robin slapped my shoulder. "Why haven't you told me before now?" Her eyes gleamed with excitement for me. God, she was perfect.
"It means I have to move." I looked up with her, her eyes immediately dimmed. She bit her lip and looked away from me, probably think of what to say next. I wasn't expecting her to follow me but part of me wished she would. We haven't even been together long but I don't want to leave her.
"How far is it?" Her voice was soft, almost quiet enough to be nonexistent.
"Three hours."
I liked Robin. I liked the moments we had together. I liked the feeling of having a best friend and a lover in one. We had done so much together. We had fought evil demon things together. If I leave I'm going to miss her more than anything. I'm going to miss her big blue-grey eyes. I'm gonna miss her smile, the way the lines formed on her cheeks when she was happy. I'm gonna miss the sassy expressions she gave Steve when they were in an argument. I'm gonna miss the smell of her sheets and her hair. I'm gonna miss her hands on my skin. Jesus, I'm gonna miss Robin. I can't leave. I can't leave her.
Holy shit. Am I falling in love with Robin?