Fly Me Into Your Arms

Chapter 16. 2016- Washington DC

My friend Jen left me after the failure of the whole stunt that my campaign managers wanted me to do. I told Jen I couldn't be with her anymore just a few days after my campaign manager put a fake engagement announcement in the newspaper. I told her the truth, that the sex did not even feel good for me. I tried so hard to fit in, but at the end of the day, all I can think about is John.They were all mad at me, Jen included, when I said I didn't want to be engaged.
After all these years, I finally got to know that I'm also demisexual and bisexual. I had sex with women mostly, but as much as that's enough for casual sex, I never developed anything for them. I thought I was gay, so I tried with another man too a couple of times, and it felt the same as when I had casual sex with a woman. I went to therapy and my therapist said I might be a demisexual. My sexual attraction doesn't really connect to any gender but to the person itself. And the only one who broke that barrier was John. I missed him almost every night. There was a time I cried alone in my misery.
I had not seen him since that time when he suddenly popped by. He told me he would be back, but he left me again. I know I don't deserve him, but I really hope that he can give me a chance. He was married to Ned. John never told me when, and he obviously didn't want to talk about it the last time we talked. Now I'm holding a fancy invitation saying that John will get married to a man named Paul. I don't even know why John invited me this time.
My boy, Charles, lives his happy adult life as a gay man. I wish my situation was easier and I could tell him the truth. I never told him how much I loved John. For him, John was just like an uncle that popped in every couple years or so. It's already more than two decades since John died and I still have not moved on from him.
So my grand plan was to crash John's wedding in front of my son to tell him that I love John. I have been in love with him all these years. I know John would despise me, but I'm in my fifties, and I'll be retiring soon from politics. I want to go back to living in a small city with John sleeping next to me every day.
And now I'm peeking at John's ceremony from a distance as I froze up. It was almost John's vow and my son dragged me away. He didn't see who got married on the other side. A few feet away from my hiding place, I decided to turn around and run towards John. My son was so shocked that I ran towards the wedding. I hugged John and cried. I told him how much I loved him in front of his groom.
John shoved me away, but it was too late. Paul turned around and ran away. John was pissed at me. He said I was immature and ridiculous. He tried to chase Paul, but I held him and kissed his lips. The guest was not happy to see that. One of the women pulled me away from John. John finally broke free from me and started to chase Paul. I might've left him as a prisoner of war for three years, but he imprisoned my heart for more than two decades. I wanted my chance with him. He never gave me that chance. I fell to the ground, and I started crying like a baby.
My son had to apologize to everyone and tried to drag me away. I ruined John's wedding. I didn't even get to keep John after this humiliating moment. And most of the guests at John's wedding could not really hear what I said to John, so they think I'm just a crazy wedding crasher. But Luke was there. I saw him in the corner of my eyes, looking at the horrible scene that I thought would end up better than it was.
My son finally knew that I was in love with John and hid it from him for years. He was upset with me, but everyone was upset with me today. I'm pretty certain John would never want to speak to me again. I don't even know if my son would speak to me again. He dragged me out of the scene and left me at the hotel. He was very disappointed with me. He told me that over and over again. I just wanted John next to me again. Is that such an impossible request?
The next day, some miracle happened. Apparently, John tracked me down and he came to my hotel room. He was angry and upset about what I did yesterday. But I knew he had a reason to come to me. John was not a man that would just go to you just because he wanted to yell at you.
"I know you are angry, but you sent me those invitations for a reason." I finally spoke my first real sentence to John.
"I remember how upset you were not knowing that I got married to Ned. I want us to be better friends, not like what we were before. " John closed his eyes and shook his head.
"And I just wanted to let you know that I'm still in love with you. I never stopped loving you. I made mistakes in the past, but I need you to give me a chance to fix that. Can you just give me that?" I rubbed my face, trying not to cry like a little kid again.
"What about your political career?" He raised his eyebrows.
"I never cared about that. We talked about this before. I just want you! If being with you puts me out of the office, I'm going to take that risk. I have been in love with you for more than two decades. I'm not holding it back anymore."
John finally softened up and sat next to me. "I'm just scared.." he whispered.
"I know, but I'm here for you."
I wrapped my arms around him and asked if I could kiss him. He nodded. I kissed his cheek and whispered to him that I wanted him so badly. John turned his face and kissed my lips gently, then he moved away as if he had done something wrong. He shook his head and apologized. I asked him why he said sorry. He was hesitant to give me the answer, but he finally said that he and Paul were still together. They didn't get through with the wedding, but they didn't break up yet. Paul kicked him out of their home for a few days, saying that he needs to take a break from their relationship, but he really wants John back after he recovers from the failed wedding ceremony. I could see how upset John was, so I told him that I wanted him to stay with me while they tried to figure out what would happen between him and Paul.