Star Wars: Grey

Ch: 20

Succumb...? I asked myself as I looked at her. "Succumb to what...?" I just asked her, slightly impatiently. I just wanted her to tell me...would that be so hard to do...?

"You opened up your emotions, every single one," Ashlyn informed me. "Trust me...I know how that feels. Everything you had contained, bottled up, is rushing out like a raging river." She looked towards the waterfall as she said this. "But this time...don't follow your teachings, don't stuff them back into that box. Feel them, you're angry with me for vanishing on you yesterday when I so could've just told you how it'd play out. What to do. But I didn't...you had to figure that out yourself...as you have to figure this out yourself. To act or not to act." She gave me a seemingly knowing smile. "To love...or to spend your whole life afraid of that strand...you'd waste it all away...forever regretful that you didn't act upon it. You're a Jedi...but you're also a person. You're allowed to have feelings...so take them out on me. You want to...I can see it in your eyes."

I glanced at the pond at her words, into my reflection...and sure enough...my eyes held a somewhat yellow hue which was getting ever so brighter the longer I could feel my nerves as they ricocheted along my body. My hands flew down to my lightsabers as the emotions I felt began to beckon action. It felt too much to bare...too much to force me to stay still.

The blades hummed alive in my hands and Ashlyn took a step back as she readied herself. However, she never took up her lightsaber.

I swung my blades at her but she countered with a force barrier before she pushed me back via the Force. I quickly found my footing and went in for another attack.

As we fought, my attacks seemed to grow more ferocious with every blow as my emotions seemed to guide me. It was overbearing...I felt like I wasn't in control of myself. Which...I supposed it wasn't as every well-thought-out plan and action just seemed to fly out the window. This, in turn...just frustrated me more as every dark thought I've ever had came to the forefront of my mind.

I felt like I wanted....

Ashlyn used the Force to cause one of my sabers to fly out of my hand. That seemed to be the last straw.

I charged toward her, she didn't expect that as I've mostly been keeping my distance. My saber pierced her abdomen before I had enough control to stop.

My saber fell from my hands and onto the grass, turning itself off.

"Ashlyn...!" I worriedly called out to her as I seemed to snap out of it. What have I done...? "I...? I'm so sorry." I placed my hand over the wound I'd caused...a fatal wound.

"I suppose...this is my time," Ashlyn told me, slightly coughing. Which seemed to bring her pain. "I'd wondered when for so long now."

"D-don't talk like that," I told her, slightly concerned.

"Nova, I've been dead for thousands of years now." Ashlyn just seemed to tell me, not even bothered by that fact. "There's no reason why I should even be here now...all my ties are long dead."

"But I'm not." I just retorted to her.

"You'll still see me...only like before." Ashlyn simply told me. "In your dreams, your visions." I looked down towards the ground, she just brought her hand up to my face to make me look into her eyes. "Before I go...one last lesson. Something my Master once told me after I first killed...every time you activate your lightsaber, you must be prepared to make a kill...to know what that actually means. In case there is no other way."

"But there's always another way." I just told her.

"Sometimes...sometimes there's not. You were born amongst this peaceful era, knowing nothing of the true darkness that has yet to follow." Ashlyn told me before she faded from this mortal plane, leaving me with more questions than answers.

After a while of contemplating this, I eventually noticed the time. It was nearly sunset.... Damn it.... I told myself before I rushed back towards the palace, I was to meet Obi-wan in the palace gardens...as per what we had agreed on before we went our separate ways.

Once in the garden...Obi-wan was nowhere to be seen. I let out an audible sigh of relief...good...he won't know that I'm late.... Mostly because he's late as well. I took a set on a nearby bench before I waited for him to arrive.

Well...he's super late.... I thought as I looked at the dusk sky. The sun set nearly an hour ago...and I was getting sleepy. I slightly yawned as I sat there, I'd had a long, short, day. I laid my head down against the bench as I watched the water flow from the fountain in the middle of the garden.

I didn't know how long I'd been there...but when I opened my eyes, I noticed that the moon was ever so higher in the sky. That wasn't all I'd noticed, as someone sat beside me. I was no longer laying on the bench but rather sitting on it with my head across his chest. His arm wrapped tightly around me as if to prevent me from falling. At my slight shuffling, his piercing blue eyes caught my brown ones.

"O-Obi-wan...?" I quietly asked him, slightly rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "How long have we been out here...?"

"Me or you...?" He just simply asked me. "I haven't been here long but you were already asleep when I got here."

"I won't get mad." I calmly told him, slightly taking him by surprise. "I didn't get here til near sunset."

"Training with Ashlyn...?" He asked me. At her name, I slightly tensed up...if he noticed it...he didn't have to say anything.

"Our last training session." I just stated as if I didn't believe what I was saying. Or...at least our last in the physical world as she no longer has her physical form.

"What do you mean 'last'?" He questioned me, a bit curiously.

"So...what kept you at bay...?" I asked him, quickly changing the subject. "Training with Anakin...? The whole time...?"

"Not the whole time." He told me. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Alright...maybe two." He slightly shook his head at my glare. "Three hours." He admitted, I knew he wasn't lying.

Alright...not the whole time.... I told myself. But still...? What kept him busy the rest of the time...?

It was only then did I notice how he constantly had one of his hands clenched together...but in a way that you could tell he was holding something...even if I couldn't see what that something was.