There are some trial moments, emotional breakdowns, confrontations, realisations that we all suffer everyday but they're underrated. No one knows them except you and your tears. People would tell philosophies, mind therapies, peace discoveries and...
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"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing! Just the change in season, autumn bells, sun sets and moon rise"
"Moon rise? New word. All from this dusty window?"
"Hmhm"
"You can't even see all of them Zanyah! The imagination power of yours, I must say!"
"It's not that only what we can see, can only be seen. Sometimes, what we can see not all can see. It's vivid and clear yet invisible!"
"You mean that quote 'you should see what you believe not only believe what you see' ! Yeah okay but how far is that practical in our real lives. I mean Come on! Let's be honest, things don't happen just because you believe they might happen or you want them to happen. It's at times nothing more than a desperate desire of yours turning mind into alternate universe of different realities."
"Jiya, not everything, everytime is the desire creating an alternate universe. Sometimes it's conveying a message. The universe, your prayers are giving a subtle message that can travel beyond time limits to make you see something that you're trying to hard to see but can't. "
"You're a difficult person Zaanii jaan! Even if I can get you, not all would understand where're you coming from and where do you belong. This will make your life tough. You choices and your decisions will be questioned and criticized everytime because apparently even I think you're going in a far more different abyss than usual."
"I know no one believes in my choices. At times it's difficult, it makes me skeptical, alone and loneliness at times scares me to the core. I am scared of being abandoned and left alone and that is what I face repeatedly in the choices of my life. Isn't it funny?"
"When you know it's painful. You see the end of cliff so clearly, why do you still decide to jump? I don't get it? You're given a brain to think and to make wise choices, not to make free falls everytime thinking you did right?"
"Honestly....!" She sighed. " I don't know. I don't say I made a right choice. I was inclined to choose it by heart. I don't know why something inside don't want to walk on well planned paved roads but to take sky dives, knowing that I specifically hate sky dives. It's a pull. It's not strong. It's subtle. Yet I cannot stop it because when I try to do, it suffocates me. But when I choose the opposite, it hurts me. And the idiot me choose hurt over suffocation everytime. So yeah.."
"Who is going to stand by you with this mind set Zanyah? This is actually a critical mental state. Why don't you consult a psychiatrist?" Jiya was actually concerned but it made her laugh a bit. "
"Do you think psychiatrist heals?"
"No but honestly this is dumb and doesn't make sense Zanyah? You are rejecting your life time dreams. You had an option to go and settle abroad. It was your dream right? Everyone and everything seemed so fine that is hard to find in this world per given conditions and you just..... refused!? Why? Why? Why?"
"Stop asking Jiya! Even I don't know why? If I'd know why, would I be here locking myself in room staring outside dusty windows all day just to count days. What do you think do I want to live this way forever that is why I chose it? "
"Miss, that is what i am asking why?"
"I Don't know! I just damn don't know! It was the instinct message. A silent message of heart and I dared to act on it. And now I am welcoming the suffer of consequences."
"Zanyah you're going to end up alone this way!"
"Stop highlighting my fear again and again Jiya. I know a lot of uncertain consequences already!"
"I don't know why're you doing this but I hope you find a worth it answer one day Zanyah, because if not then people even closed ones are going to make this life hell for you!"
"I refuse to believe that all this happened for a nonsense reason. But I still don't know the reason... the dreams.. "
"Oh please! Please! Don't start this dream intuition again. We are not prophets aur scholars Zanyah. How can you just... it's 21st century but you act like a old lost lover. You protect yourself in a high tower but you want a love story. Rapunzel, please wake up! We are living in the world of media and technology. For God sake!"
"Jiya? Why do you think I haven't heard similar words before. I've been hearing them for past eleven years. The heart is immuned of these stone words. "
"But it will hurt Zanyah. And it will keep hurting no matter how strong wall you've built. It might turn you bitter or irreparable or the worst it will make the wounds so worst and painful until it won't pain. All of this for what? Being senseless and feelingless?"
She was quiet. Nothing to say at last.
"It's an abyss Zanyah! That doesn't even have a moon rise!"
Jiya had a sadness in her voice and she didn't look at her. She was still looking out that dusty window with silent words, swollen eyes and cracking shoulders.
