Part IV: Desperate

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IV: Marie

Marie stood on the sidewalk, dumbfounded as she gazed at the door to Lexi's building. She didn't know how long it took before the cold got to her and a shiver shook her out of her daze. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to warm up a bit.

What the fuck just even happened?

So, Lexi was trans. Or a girl with a dick, or however she wanted to put it. That wasn't a big deal, right?

I still want to see her.

A part of her even wanted to go up after Lexi, but...

Am I just drunk and horny?

Despite how far she'd gone with each, especially Liam, Marie had only had sex with two guys. As for Alice and Leah, she didn't know what the line for girls was between sex and just fooling around—

Yes, you do. It's what you did with Blake.

"Fuck," Marie sighed, running a hand through her hair.

What am I even doing?

She wrapped her arms around herself again, though not just because of the cold, this time.

I met Lexi a week ago and I barely fucking know her. She's cool, but...wasn't I trying to do what Liam said and look for something more than just sex?

Marie blinked, realizing she'd taken her phone out. It was open to her conversation with Liam.

Is it still a conversation if it's this one-sided?

She'd sent him enough unanswered messages that there weren't even any from him on the screen unless she scrolled back.

Marie wiped at her eyes as she looked at that screen. There were no tears, but her eyes were hot.

I don't even want to ask him to take me back anymore.

She just wanted someone to talk to. Someone familiar who could hold her and distract her from these stupid feelings and questions.

Biting her lip, Marie looked toward Lexi's building again.

Going up there wouldn't only mean sex, right? We could just make out and talk more and spend the night together?

The problem was, Marie wasn't sure she would be able to control herself if she went up there.

Is that the alcohol? Hormones? Or am I just so fucking desperate that I can't even hold to any restrictions I set for myself?

Marie looked back down at her phone but tapped away from her conversation with Liam. She almost closed down the messages app, but then saw Kylie's name down near the bottom of the page. She hadn't spoken with the brunette since shortly after their hookup the week before.

Her thumb hovered over the conversation.

Is this crossing a line with Lexi if I do this? I like her, but we're not dating or anything, right?

Marie hesitated, then tapped Kylie's name and started texting her. She needed to stop thinking so much tonight. Going home and trying to sleep would probably just make that worse.

"Hey, any chance you're free tonight?"

Marie waited for a moment after she sent the text, watching to see if any bubbles appeared. When none did, she started back toward her apartment. A part of her wanted to just walk over to Kylie's place but knew that would definitely seem too clingy for the brunette.

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