Without You (Steddie)

Chapter 2

TW; mentions of drugs, self loathing, depression, drinking

Tell me how it's fair that I get to sit here on this fucking planet, getting to meet you all over again just for you to leave? I'm starting to move past self loathing to just unreasonably angry at you. Drinking is amplifying the anger. I want to break things, I wanna smash everything in this goddamn ghost museum I call a house. I hate this place.

How am I supposed to face Robin when I'm this haunted? Am I supposed to tell her that the voices have gotten worse? And when I hear you the most is when I'm fucked up out of my own mind? Can I tell her that's why I keep digging myself deeper in addiction? So I can hear you... So I can hear you telling me to stop...

I take a long drink off the new bottle of whiskey I opened after my phone call with Robin.

"You're going to kill yourself if you don't stop this soon."

"That's the plan. I need to see you again."

"This isn't the way to do that. Please just listen to me..."

"Then tell me how."

No response. Go figure. Did he actually respond to me? Am I losing it? Is he actually around still or is my brain really just separating from reality that hard? The room starts to spin, this is my queue to either go to sleep, or suffer the fate of ending up on the bathroom floor. But I have to try something. I need to know.

I stumble my way back outside, into the woods again. "Eddie?" The wind rustles through the trees. "Eddie c-can you hear me? Are you actually there?" Nothing.

I sit down on the forest floor, and put my face in my hands. "I just don't know what to do without you..." I finally let the tears fall, as I can feel the crash from the coke hit me. I'm exhausted, I'm alone. Utterly and completely alone. I don't think I'll ever feel really complete again.

"I'm still here..." The world goes dark.

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I wake up on the ground still, damp, cold. And it's dark. How long have I been out? I rub my face, trying to get a grasp on reality again. Did I fall asleep out here? Shit, shit what time is it?!

I get up and run back to my house, checking the clock in the kitchen. 5 AM. Okay, okay thank god.

I'm still a little drunk. I have a migraine hitting, and I feel sick. Running to the bathroom, making it just in time to throw up the entire content of my stomach. Which, honestly is just alcohol and bile. "I'm such an idiot." God why do I keep doing this?

Everything hurts. It feels like there's fire going through my veins.

Everything's orange.

The pain. The light. The sun coming into my room from the sunrise. Oh god, the sunrise.

I need to go to sleep. Robin will be here later today, I need to be somewhat human by then. I need to be more sober. Fuck, I need to be sober. I rinse my mouth with some mouthwash, and go crawl into my bed. I wrap myself around the pillows and let the crying hit me again. Before too long, I'm asleep.

Hey Steve? Make him pay.

My ears are ringing. The room is spinning. "Steve." Who's in my room? Why do they sound so distant? "Hey, Steve?" I feel myself being shaken a little. "Dingus, get your ass up." Robin? Is she... here? Fuck.

"I will not hesitate to dump water all over you. Get up."

"Fuck. Fine I'm up, I'm up, god."

"You look like you slept outside, you're covered in dirt. Are you okay?"