The room was cozy. It smelt like grapes and looked like springtime. The walls were grey, just as the whole house, and the floor was made of dark wood that shimmered such that it could be used as a mirror. Tessa sat at the right edge of the bed with her back slightly slouched and her eyes hazily staring at Allison who just could not stop talking. The duvet that covered the bed was blue and floral. Blue and calming. Blue and inviting. She wanted to lay her back on it and close her eyes; she wanted to rest. Their suitcases were in the corner of the room, unopened, and Allison went on and on, unaware that Tessa wanted her to be quiet.
Tessa Wilkins was yet to see the whole house, yet she could already feel it that that one bedroom was the only room she would ever feel welcome. Her mind raced with questions that only Allison could answer. Do you want to marry me, or did I pressure you to do it somehow? Do you think I control you? Is there a man in this house we should be worried about? Do you want to marry me? The questions were so repetitive that Allison’s words went into one ear and escaped through the other. Meanwhile, Tessa comprehended nothing that was spoken to her.
Nicole had successfully gotten to her head without even trying, and Tessa had had enough of it. Knowing Allison, there was a chance that Tessa’s questions would remain unanswered. But she had to ask. Her insides would ache if she did not try. “Is there a man here?”
Allison’s voice stopped and her expression turned to one of shock. “A man?” she inquired.
“Yes. Is there a man who did something to you? Someone I should be afraid of.” That was what Nicole had said to her – that if he came back, there was no turning back. Nicole had insinuated that Tessa and he were the problem.
For a minute, Allison seemed very confused. That was when her confusion fell. And then she cleared her throat, much to Tessa’s utter disappointment. Allison was going to lie to her about something personal for what felt like the millionth time since they had been together. She was probably clearing the truth out of her throat to make space for the lies she was about to spew. “No,” was her response. It was unshaken, it was stern and it indicated that she wanted no more questions.
Tessa did not care because she continued to ponder on the matter. “No to which part?”
“You have nothing to worry about, Tessa,” Allison said.
Tessa gave her an intense stare, searching for a sign of truth or lie. She was frustrated because part of the response felt like it was true and the other felt like a complete lie. Most of all, Tessa was afraid. The dissatisfaction she felt from Allison’s responses held her back from asking about the other thing that weighed her down. The progression of their relationship.
Allison went to the corner of the room where the suitcases were, dragged one closer to the bed and laid it down. She bent down to reach it, opened it, and began going through their belongings. Tessa merely watched her in the tense silence, aching to break it by expressing the same feelings she had expressing numerous times before. The only thing that held her from speaking any further was how tired she was of the endless arguing about the same thing.
Tessa looked away from Allison and looked at the beautiful bedding. She sighed, and she began rubbing it with her fingers. She looked at her ring finger – the one where the engagement ring was – and her mind began wandering to dark places. She wondered how she and Allison had made it to six years with all the unnecessary lies and secrets, and all of the disagreements that were rooted upon the same thing that only seemed unfixable the more she tried to fix it. Allison made her so happy and she loved her. She truly did. Tessa loved her in ways that were more passionate than her past lovers. In ways that she could never quite understand, and for reasons that only got more ridiculous as time went by.
