BROKEN DREAMS || JIKOOK ✅

36

JIMIN POV

My heart pounded in my chest.

"I don't want to hate you." He wasn't expecting that but I couldn't be anything but truthful.

He deserved better of me.

"I don't want to mate someone I could..." I couldn't say the words.

It would make them too real.

"You could what?" He stepped closer and I backed up.

"Please don't." I knew I shouldn't have danced with him.

All it did was add fuel to the fire of my fantasies and give him the idea that there was hope.

But really, what would happen if I agreed to mate him?

He was young. Vigorous.

He'd want pups.

I suppose I could give him the pups easily enough but it was getting them on me that made me sick with both desire and memory.

Every time he touched me, it lit a fire in me, just as quickly extinguished by my knowledge of what encouraging him would lead to.

It would be easier to mate a delta wolf or even another alpha.

Just not someone I had feelings for.

"At least tell me what I did wrong?"

His voice was strong and reassuring and I yearned to give myself over to him, to put my cares in his hands and watch him unravel.

But I wasn't selfish or I tried not to be.

And anything we ever had together would always be poisoned by the seeds of my past.

"Nothing, It really isn't you."

"I can't do that to you."

Greatly daring, I rested my fingertips against his cheek and fought the tears that simple touch brought forth.

I was going to miss him, his faith in me, the calm simple way he engaged with the pups, his stories about growing up hybe.

His dreams of the future.

I took my hand back and bit my knuckle for the relief of a pain I could do something about.

"Can't do what to me?"

"I think it's for me to decide." He raised his free hand, just a little too fast for my over-stressed nervous system.

My body took over and I hit the ground before my brain had time to recognize what had triggered it.

We stared at each other, me with my free arm bent to protect my face, him with a look of painful comprehension on his.

"Fuck." He let go of my hand and sat on the ground beside me.

"I'm sorry."

"I guessed but I didn't know."

"I never told anyone." I pushed myself shakily up onto my hip, then swung my legs around and sat up straight.

My body shook and I wanted to cry.

To cry on his shoulder and have him tell me it would be all right.

But that wouldn't be fair.

"I'm the one who should be sorry I don't know what came over me." I tried a smile on him but I could tell he wasn't buying it.

"Did he hit you often?"

His calm attention was almost as soothing as a hug would be.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged my shins. "No And I expect you'll think I'm lying but honestly it was only at the beginning."