Shame On You! (Remdy)

7

Trigger Warning: Depression, self-harm, suicide 

Remington and Andy used to live within walking distance from one another by coincidence, but since moving in with Oliver, it was now a twenty-minute car journey, often longer during traffic. Andy had only been inside the house once, and it was the day Remington moved in. He had insisted on helping to carry boxes, and wanted to see where his friend would be living, wanted to know the location. At the time, Remington had laughed at him, but now he was thankful for it. 

He heard the doorbell ring but made no move to answer it, waited for Andy to open the door himself. Somehow, he had stopped crying. How that had happened, he had no idea, but he lay on his side on the couch, facing away from the rest of the room, holding a cushion to himself in place of a warm body. 

"Hey, you here?" Andy called from the entrance, closing the front door behind himself and stepping into the kitchen to check Remington wasn't in there. Stepping into the living room, Remington could picture him - usual black clothes, eyes set in worry as he looked around. "Oh, there you are," he said, approaching the couch. "What's going on, huh? Why is there a duvet down here? Have you two fallen out?" 

Eyes filling again, as they had been so often, Remington stayed where he was, back to Andy, and mumbled, "I don't know." 

"You don't know? Remington, honey, what's going on? You sounded really upset on the phone. I'm worried about you." 

"I'm fine," the younger replied without the effort to give his words any sort of believability. 

Andy hummed in that way he so often did, knelt on the ground, rested a hand on Remington's shoulder. "Where's Oliver? Shouldn't he be home today? It's the weekend." 

Remington hadn't even thought of that, and he started to cry into the cushion he was holding. 

"Talk to me. What's going on? Have you been sleeping in here?" Andy was rubbing circles in Remington's shoulder. 

Remington shook his head despite it being the obvious truth. It all seemed to stupid now. 

"Are you hurting yourself again?" Andy asked. "Do you need help, honey? Do you need me to help you?" 

Shaking his head once more, Remington tried to silence himself in the cushion, but it was keeping him from breathing properly. 

"It's okay if you do, there's nothing shameful about it." A pause, and then Andy was standing up and lifting Remington's legs so he could sit down, letting them rest over his lap, placing a hand on the bend of his knee. "How about we go for a drive?"

Remington wanted to crawl into Andy's lap but he didn't move. Somewhere, his boyfriend was touching a man that wasn't him. Sucking in a trembling breath, he shook his head. 

"I think you need to get out of this house. We can go to mine. I'll order takeaway, we can watch a movie, whatever you want." 

"He doesn't-he doesn't love me." 

"I'm sure that's not true." 

"No, he-he-I-" Sucking a sharp breath in, Remington caught a sob in his hand. 

Moving, Andy took him under the armpits, pulled him up into his arms, held him to his chest. "Oh honey," he whispered. "It's okay. It's okay. Shh-shh. I got you. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to. It's okay. I'm here. Shh, baby. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together, okay? It's gonna be okay. I'm right here. You're okay." 

The warmth of being hugged made Remington unable to contain his sobs any longer, and he pushed his face into Andy's neck, pressing his fingers into his shoulder blades. The closeness somehow wasn't enough but he didn't know why, or how to make it enough. Everything tumbled out of him in a flurry of tears and cries. 

"I got you," Andy repeated, arms tight. "I got you. It's okay. Oh, Remington. I'm so sorry I didn't check on you sooner. I know moving here has been hard. I'm sorry I didn't come in earlier today, I should've come in. Let me take you back to my place. I'll run you a bath, I've still got some of the bath bombs you got me for Christmas. I'll even let you use my new towels that no one is allowed to use." As he finished speaking, the front door opened. Andy turned his head towards it, said quietly to Remington, "It's okay. I'll deal with this." 

Remington nodded against him, had managed to calm himself enough to think with at least a small amount of clarity. He dropped his head down so he couldn't see Oliver, shielded by Andy. 

"What's all this?" Asked Oliver, staring at Andy as though the man were responsible for both world wars. "What's going on?" 

Placing a hand on the back of Remington's head, Andy said, "Are you aware your boyfriend has been crying all day?" 

"What he does with his time is his choice." 

"Wow." 

"Who are you, anyway?" 

"Who am I? We met multiple times. I'm Andy. I'm Remington's friend." 

"Right, and you're here at this time because..." 

Andy shook his head. "Because Remington called me crying, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. Where were you while your boyfriend was having a nervous breakdown?" 

"Nervous breakdown? Look, it's great to see you, really, but it's past midnight and I don't appreciate having someone I don't know very well in my house." 

"Lest I recall, this is also Remington's house, is it not?" 

"You know what I meant." 

Andy hummed. "You didn't answer my question." 

"What question was that?" 

"Where were you while Remington was crying? I assume it must have been really important to come before your boyfriend and his mental health. Did you know he's been hurting himself?" 

"What's that got to do with me?" 

"Wow. Okay. Charming. I'm leaving now, with Remington. And shame on you for allowing this to happen without attempting to help. I know you're aware of his depression. I know you are, and yet you've been out all day while he's been contemplating killing himself! Shame on you." 

"I won't stand for this! Who are you to tell me how to live my life?" 

"This isn't just your life, cunt! This is also Remington's life, and you better fucking understand me when I say you do not let him believe you don't love him without a fucking consequence! He's a fucking angel and if you can't see that, then you don't deserve to know him." Softening his voice, Andy then said, "Come on, honey. You can stay with me for a while." He helped Remington up, took his shoulders, lead him towards the front door, sending a hard glare to Oliver as they passed. 

In his car, Remington looked at Andy and then back at the house, and said, "You didn't have to say all that." 

"Yes, I did." Andy turned the key in the ignition and the headlights flashed on, coating everything in front of them in a warm orange.