𝑯𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒌𝒂,𝑰𝒍𝒍𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐 𝑿 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝑶𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

☠︎︎Never be able to let you go☠︎︎Chrollo

1411 words ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Already this night was going way better than it had started. Chrollo wasn't surprised though, not when he had found his way back to you before the night was even half over. Things couldn't be going anything but great when he was standing watch on your apartment's fire escape, looking into your bedroom and watching as you slept.

Although, Chrollo's night hadn't begun with such promise.

No, on the contrary, he had started his night so far from you—much too far, in his opinion. Hunched over at the bar, Chrollo had been nursing a heavy glass of whiskey, tipsily swiping through the pictures on his phone. Ignoring the chatter of the phantom troupe members, he scrutinized all of the photos he had taken of you that day, wanting to memorize every inch of them—and every inch of you in them—until he could pull them from his mind whenever he needed them. Whenever he needed you.

His phone as close as it could get to his face without obscuring the pictures, Chrollo gazed at his favorite picture that he had taken that day. In it, you had just gotten your usual morning tea, and once you had been forced back into the chilly winter air, you had clutched the cup with a fierce tightness and had brought it to you face, trying to absorb as much of its heat as possible before starting to deplete it.  You looked impossibly adorable in the photo, what with your tranquil expression and your hands clinging so desperately for warmth. Chrollo couldn't help but wonder how it might feel to have you so at peace in his arms, with your steady and gentle breaths pushing against him. He wondered how it might feel to have your hands so securely wrapped in his own, with the softness of your skin soothing his.

Just as Chrollo was beginning to slip happily into those daydreams though, the ones where he was finally able to take you into his arms and hold you close the way that he constantly craved, he was rudely interrupted.

"Oh my god!" Machi silently squealed, peering at the pictures from over his shoulder. "They kinda look so cute! Is this your crush?"

"Don't worry about it Machi," Chrollo mumbled as he brought his phone close to his chest, not wanting to be forced to share you with anyone else. "Let's change the subject."

"Ooo, that must mean I'm right! Do you two hold hands? Have you kissed yet? Have you used the l-word yet?"

"Machi please, let's change the subject."

"Oh," Machi gasped in sudden understanding. "You haven't done any of that, have you?"

"So what if I haven't?" he mumbled.

"Have you thought of acting on your feelings? How else will they know that you love them?" she asked.

Rolling his eyes, Chrollo pushed himself off of the bar, not about to dignify Machi's continued prying with any more answers, not even sarcastic ones. So what if he hadn't done any of those things with you? So what if he hadn't held your hand, hadn't kissed you? So what if he hadn't even touched you yet, despite imagining it countless times? Sure, Chrollo might have wanted all of those things, bit that didn't mean he would actually reach for them. He didn't need to! Chrollo didn't need anything or anyone, not even you. He wasn't some pathetically soft wuss who couldn't survive without the touch of that one special someone. No matter how much he craved you.

When he began storming off then, Chrollo had only planned to move far away enough from the pink-haired woman in annoyance so he could go back to fantasizing about you in peace. Maybe taking a seat at the corner booth would be enough, hopefully Machi wouldn't be stupid enough to follow him. Hopefully she wasn't stupid enough to keep pushing him about you, cause if she did, Chrollo thought, his fingers twitching around the flames he could almost already feel, he might just snap. At least, that was what he had thought.

"What's the point of even being in love if you're not going to do something about it?"

Chrollo froze at those words, though not in anger as he had expected. No, Machi's pointed question did not enrage him, although he wished that it did. Instead, all it did was drain him. Rooted to the floor, all that Chrollo could hear was those words echoing in his mind, piercing his heart with each painful repetition. When he was finally able to move again, which felt like it took hours but in truth only took about two seconds, instead of taking a seat in the booth, he made his way towards the door.

After leaving the troupe's hideout, Chrollo hadn't stopped to think about where he would go. He had just needed to leave, to get away from the questions that had seemingly been pried out from his own heart. All he wanted was to move, he didn't care where he was moving towards. Perhaps then he should have expected—or perhaps he didexpect—that when he allowed his instincts to take over, the only place he could have ended up was where you were.

And that left Chrollo outside your bedroom, his face practically pressed against your window. The moment that he had reached you, had first caught sight of you curled up under your covers, he felt his pounding heart begin to calm, felt the burning of his blood subside. You were a balm to him, the only one Chrollo had. Yeah, he might have a weakness for you, but he could handle it. So long as he could take these moments, ones where all he could see was you, Chrollo knew that he could keep things under control. He just had to wait until he had gotten his fill of you and then move on. You were just a short-term craving, he told himself, one that would disappear soon enough, even if he ended up having to wait another two months or more for it to do so.

At least, that was what he had hoped.

But as Chrollo gazed at you through that fogged-up window, his hunger for you refused to lessen. No matter how long he looked or how closely he stared, that ever-present desire to melt the glass that separated you from him did not budge an inch, staying firmly front and center where Chrollo could not ignore it. His yearning for you, to feel your soft skin brush against his and to have you wrapped securely in his arms, did not weaken. No, it only grew stronger, until Chrollo was trembling at the sight of you, trembling at the effort it took to hold himself back.

What's the point of even being in love if you're not going to do something about it?

As Chrollo clenched his fists with all of the strength that holding back his most basic instincts required, that haunting question once again resounded through his ears, his mind, his heart. What was the point of holding himself back, he asked himself. It wasn't making him any stronger, Chrollo realized with a look towards his shaking hands. And it sure as hell wasn't making him any happier. Why not just give in then? Why not just let himself indulge in you then?

Before he even realized that he had come to a decision, Chrollo found himself clutching the lock on your window tightly, wreathing it in flames until it completely melted away. Unable to take any longer now that you were so close, he pushed your window open, clambering through it with all of the silence he could muster while rushing so much. From the moment that he stepped into your room, that he was able to breathe in your scent, your presence, Chrollo felt himself be soothed. But still, it wasn't enough. He couldn't turn back now when he was so close.

"Fuck it," Chrollo sighed, climbing into bed beside you as slowly he could force himself. When you did not so much as stir, Chrollo had no choice but to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you close.

And with you finally enveloped in his arms, where he could sample the taste and touch of you as much as he wanted, Chrollo knew that he would never be able to let you go.