Windows on the World (OLD VERSION) [BEING REWRITTEN]

[¹⁵] ᵘˢᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵐⁱⁿᵈ

Rethinking his life decisions wasn't something out of the ordinary. Every tiny aspect of each day had to be calculated beforehand. Even once that decision was made, it never really brought him a complete peace of mind. Should he have paired those shoes with those socks? Or would it have been better to stick to what he already knew worked for him? Was that wristwatch the proper form to go with that suit? Why was the coffee maker out of place?

That morning Walter had not done anything in his usual order. Not because he'd forgotten or couldn't care to follow the drill. He didn't know why. Maybe his system needed to be completely overhauled. Or perhaps he felt he did not deserve to be in control this time. To organize his workload was a lot easier than sitting down to organize his thoughts and feelings.

The moment Gina saw the stubble on his jawline when he walked in from the elevator lobby, she went into full-on Gina mode.

"Finally reached puberty, have we?" She asked, looking at her computer like she had the ability to tell his appearance without even taking a glance at the man. Gina loved making it seem like she had superpowers.

He barely laughed. "Very funny."

But she cared for him—even if she would never admit it—so she finally paid attention, clasping her hands over the table, which gave her the aspect of a serious news anchor.

"If I ask you whether everything's all right, will you tell the truth or will you fend me off as always?"

"Try me."

"Family all okay?" Walter nodded at her first guess. "That leaves me with Phoebe." He rolled his eyes, fearing his isolating nature made him way too predictable for his own good. "So it is her. Did she hurt you or did you hurt her?"

"I have a lot of work to do." Walter walked away from her, making Gina shot up from behind her colossal desk.

"Walter!" She called out, unashamed of any attention she might attract. Knowing he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of more information, Gina sunk back into her chair and poured her desperation into frenetically chewing on the mint gum in her mouth. "They're two of a kind," she muttered under her gritting teeth.

His office wasn't just banal, it was corroded by its own brand of desensitized proceedings. By the habits of a man who was fretful of his personality and unaware of its true identity. A man who didn't even know himself trying to make it in a world based on ego-trips.

Sometimes he missed being a full-on attorney. Going to trial, fighting tooth and nail for his clients, and them watching first hand what he did for them. Now it was all done behind the curtain. There was nothing exhilarating about settlements or business talk. Barely no stakes and no emotion. Just money. Money that made his head feel like a black hole. And then people came to him for advice on money. Until Phoebe came along, he always used to wonder why he could give advice to others and not apply it to himself.

And what exactly did he miss about court? Did he miss the unpredictability? How could he be missing it if he had an unhealthy obsession with the opposite?

Walter had no idea what was making him think of that. He'd dusted that part of his life under the rug, and he'd done so for a reason. Taking up corporate law made sense. It still made sense. So what was it that wasn't making sense?

In his struggle for the answer, he involuntarily reached out to the ideal person.

It was a Saturday morning. November was only halfway through, and yet, the Christmas decorations were up most of the streets on his way to the temple for morning Sabbath. The Rockefeller Center was opening its skating rink and making room for the famous tree. If there were any Hanukkah preparations in place as well, he did not notice any of them. They were likely being overshadowed by the red and green tinsel and catchy carols. He had nothing against Christmas, and in fact, resonated with Phoebe's assertion that the city was embellished by it. However, a few more blue dreidels and hanukkiot would have been nice.