Love Everlasting {Helsa}

Gone

~ELSA~

I woke up this morning feeling different, not in an ill way, but in a way of having a change of heart. I've been thinking about Hans and about everything Anna and I have discussed... I do love him.

Yes, he has betrayed me and hurt me in ways that should be unforgivable, but I am no saint myself. Maybe forgiving him is the first step in something beautiful. Words can't express my thoughts and emotions... I feel as though I am, nervous? Anxious? Something, and it isn't making this easier. I'm going to tell him, tell him how I feel, and make sure to never leave him again.

I pass the halls that I never really knew, of course, Anna knows the castle like the back of her hand, but as for me, I rarely came out of my room. It's still a period of my life that I'm not proud of... its a part of my life I rather forget. But, I still haven't been able to forgive myself, but I'm getting there.

I just wish that my mother was here, she always knew what to say... always knew what to do. It's been almost four years and the pain is sometimes fresh. I can't shake this feeling.. feeling of regret, and guilt.

I blamed myself when they passed. I always thought... You could have prevented this.

Anna tells me it wasn't my fault, but she should understand that I don't see it that way.

I finally reach the doors that lead to the dungeon and stop dead, I'm terrified. What if he doesn't love me back? What if he's angry with me? Last time I saw him.. I left him hanging. I walked away when he proclaimed his love for me. I wanted so badly to turn around and tell him that I felt the same. That I loved him and wanted him to stay. But, I was so conflicted with the hate and sorrow I felt for myself that all thought of love shattered.

Never have I ever felt so... troubled.

"Your highness?" I turn and see Kai standing a few feet away, a troubled looked on his face. "Have you lost your way?"

My first thought was to lie, but this is Kai, he's been like a father to me... he'd probably see right through me.

"No... I was actually going to see Hans." Kai's eyes widen twice their size and I giggle.

"Well, that's going to be a problem." My heart stops, a problem?

"Ummm, well what would the problem be?" Kai stays silent and I can see the hurt in his eyes. My heart drops.. has something happened?

"Queen Elsa... The ship has been repaired." My heart breaks, has it? It seems like the month has flown by. I remember wanting the repair to move quickly, but now I wish that every ship was destroyed. No, this can't be happening.

"Has it?" Although I'm shattered, I keep a straight face, no one must know that I've fallen in love... especially with the man who almost ruined our kingdom. "When will Prince Hans be leaving?"

Kai seems shocked by the way I've addressed him but says nothing to acknowledge it. However, he remains wordless...

My heart is beating fast, but every broken piece is pushing its way out. The words I await are bringing me pain. I already know, although I haven't been updated on the ships repaired or Hans departure, I've had feelings... I know. It's as if he and I are connected.

Kai takes a deep breath and says, "He departed this morning, he's gone..."

~HANS~

I have been through a lot of heartbreaking events in my life. I have been shunned and disowned by my brothers. Been abused by my father, and loved by the person who was soon taken away from me... it's quite tragic. But, never have I ever felt more heartbroken about leaving the one person who has made my life worth living.

I know that this is the right thing to do, but my heart would do anything... absolutely anything possible, to turn this ship around and go to her... that would be my wish. But, there is no wish for me now.

I watch the sea from the cell they have on the ship. We've been sailing for a while... but we are far from the kingdom of Arendelle. I had fought myself in staying, but I knew I had to go, I also wanted to be gone before Elsa came.. it would have made the separation harder.

I will go back to my kingdom and be the rejected boy that I've always been...

I will go back and forget the mistakes I've made, I will go back and forget the man I was forced to be, and I will go back and forget her... my joy, my love, my everything.

I will be nothing and most importantly, I will be gone from her life. 

Authors Note:

Life kicks your ass, but updates will come!!

love you 😍

Kisses XxXx Bree