poetry I write while mentally ill in college

L no. 6

I really don't know how to move on
And I don't know if I want to.
I keep imaging you,
Talking to your best friend
About being into me,
And she tells you to go for it,
But you hesitate.
But this is all fake.

I keep imagining Me,
Talking to your best friend
About being into you
But I can't ask her
Not to tell you
So I don't.

I told her
That you were unreasonably hot
And she,
What if you dated?
And I,
Pretended like those words
Didn't stop me cold
And send my heart racing
All at the same time.

Somedays,
I think I may
Love you.
But I keep reminding myself,
It isn't real.
This isn't real.
You don't love me.
You don't want me.