Don't Think About It

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The hidden basement in the Mystery Shack has never sat right with me. The concrete walls are cracked, and the place is moist enough to harbor the deadliest of molds. Every footstep echo in the chillingly warm air. How someplace so warm can still chill me to the bone is a mystery that will never have an answer.

I walk up to the metal table where Stanford's immortality stone sits. It is a saddening sight. The Grunkles could still both be alive and healthy if they haven't decided to give them up. They were not in the same situation as I am, though. They don't have mentally unstable demon husbands that could easily end the world if they were to die.

"Are you sure you don't want to just keep that stone?" Stanley steps next to me, "It'll cost you an arm and a kidney, but that's less than your life."

"No," I say, "I don't want to buy it. Just seeing it hurts."

"He was a good nerd," Stanley somberly saunters to a big empty space on the wall, "But with him gone, we have Nerd Junior to fall back on."

"You told Dipper the plan?!"

Dipper lightly makes his way down the stairs. He can hear me fussing at Stanley over the old man telling him about what I wish to do. What was Stanley supposed to do, though? Dipper is the science expert of the family. Bill is right behind Dipper. The blonde demon's hot and damp breath reaches the back of his neck. Dipper keeps moving. The lack of personal space is exactly what Dipper needs in order to go through with the plan, which he strictly does not think about. Nobody is allowed to even think about the plans going around. It is the curse of there being a mind reader. In fact, Dipper makes it a point to think about me going through the multiverse for the spouse status to be personally blessed by the Axolotl itself. It is apparently a common tradition among demons to try for personal blessings from an amphibian when newly wed. Dipper breaks free from the narrow staircase into the wide basement.

"H-hello," Dipper tries his best to make his entrance look cool, "Please take your demon back."

"You remembered what happened the last time you messed with my nephew," Stanley gives all the warning Bill needs to step back from Dipper. Bill rushes to my side with a pouty huff.

"Fine, I'm here for the fun one anyways," Bill turns to look at me in the eyes, "So a blessing from that big fish, huh, kid?" I nod my head. Bill squints and wrinkles his nose. I give a strained grin back, focusing on making sure that my mind does not appear suspicious.

"Such blessings are rare, kid," Bill says, "Even for demons. I highly doubt you would get one, but that makes it more likely for the purpose of that amphibian spiting me." Bill takes a step back and looks around at the three humans before him. There is a tension in the air, and there are thoughts that go away too quickly for Bill to get a grasp of them. There is something off; there is something being hidden. They are all hiding whatever it is well for a trio of humans, but not so well he is left unaware. All his old friends were great at it, especially Pyronica. Bill was completely in the dark about her affairs until he caught her in the act. Oh, the things he did to her as karma. They were the most satisfying.

"You're up to something," Bill gets his face back into a resting position, "You're all good at hiding it from me for humans, but I can tell something's up."

"Well, if we don't hide something, how could there be a surprise?" I quickly bring up. It is not incorrect to call it a surprise.

"A surprise?" Bill squints at me thoughtfully for a moment, "Hrmm, I thought I was the one full of surprises. Ha! I suppose that means you're only getting better, Dove!" He punches my arm, and I tense up from the pain. I just hold in my yelp. Punching my arm is more of some weird demon love language, and I can't expect a spirit as free as Bill to fully assimilate to human customs, or to care what is acceptable or not.

"Very well, Dove!" Bill snaps his fingers and a swirling blue vortex opens, "Don't end up in a universe that turn your insides out."

"No promises," I walk up to the demon and kiss him on the cheek. I walk to the portal and twiddle my fingers at him before stepping through. The portal closes when I step through.

Bill watches where I stepped. He isn't smiling, but Bill isn't frowning, either. His lips make a tight straight line and his golden eyes burn the air. Neither Dipper nor Stanley know what to say, as neither of them have the skills to comfort something so mentally fickle. 

Ah, the poor demon, Bill is. He values his freedom too much to keep his dove in a cage. He chose to partake in the human tradition of marriage to make them happy, after all. His favorite little meat sack smiling was worth doing what he thought he would never do in the lifespans of several universes. And now? Well, his spouse is no longer immediately accessible to him. One of the only things that mattered to him in this pathetic universe is no longer here. The only he could possibly fulfill this absence is by following the dove, but that would ruin the promised surprise, his other favorite thing. So now, Bill is staring at oxygen, wondering: "Now what?"

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