Unexpected Feelings

Did We Use To Do That?

Moments, that’s what flicker past in her mind. Just bits and pieces of her memories here and there. Usually, they appear because something as simple as an object or a smell will trigger a memory. She never gets the full picture. Just moments. This time she hears laughter and turns her head toward the sound. She sees herself sitting at a table in what looks like a cafeteria.  It’s always as if she’s watching a movie. She can only observe, and in a way, it makes her feel more disconnected from her memories than if she had never remembered anything.

Y/N observes her body language and it’s obvious she’s comfortable and happy. She’d give anything for this version of her to feel that way. Ever since she awakened, everything in her head has been a jungle. Instead of those happy and comfortable feelings, she feels anxious and depressed. Her therapist reassures her that this is normal, but she longs for a day when she can feel like the person, she used to be rather than this person who is insecure and unsure about everything around her.

Continuing to watch she notices that she is also sitting beside the redhead named Kirishima. Her back leans against him while his arm drapes down her side. His hand stays on her hip. She takes note of the way his thumb caresses the fabric of her skirt. Her focus shifts up to the face of the redhead behind her. He also looks happy. That was common for him though. She had noticed over the last week that he is generally a ray of sunshine. At first, she wasn’t sure it was legitimate. Maybe he was giving her the appearance of happiness as a type of pity. The more time she spends with him though she learns that is not the case. He’s just a positive person. As she continues to observe she takes note that there is something different in the look he’s giving her. This look was his typical smile but as she examines his expression, she can see the softness in his eyes. It was obvious from the scene that they had dated. We’re dating? She’s not entirely sure. She hasn’t been told everything about her past. They don’t want to overwhelm her with information. There’s an understanding that if she remembers something she will ask about it, and then more details will be given. This is primarily so her over-enthusiastic friends don’t overload her and cause a panic attack. As the memory plays out, she knows that she likes this look that seems to be just for her, and it makes her chest beat a little faster.

Her surroundings start to darken, and she knows that this is all she gets for this memory. She internally sighs as her disassociation ceases, and she takes a moment to look around her. Her dorm room surrounds her as she is sitting on her bed with her back against the wall. Looking around she finds the clock that sits at her desk and takes in the time. She had been dazed out for about an hour this time, and it was almost time for dinner. She sighs as she moves from the bed. Losing time was always frustrating and was starting to happen more frequently. A mental note is made to talk with Denki. He has experience with losing time because of his quirk, and this gives her someone who understands a little bit about what she’s going through. He also seems to appreciate having someone he can relate to as well.

As she takes a seat at her desk, she grabs a pen and opens a journal. She immediately starts scribbling down the events of the memory. Once she has finished, she grabs a post-it note and writes a reminder to check her journals from her pre-amnesia. She was highly inconsistent with journaling, but sometimes she can grab context. The annoying part was how she only wrote about her feelings instead of the actual events themselves. She assumes because of the inconsistency and lack of details the journaling was more for venting and expressing her emotions than to document her life and what was happening around her. She looks at the clock once again and decides that she needs to head to the common room. Mina would be beating down her door any minute if she was any longer. She smiles at the thought of her friend.

Y/N makes her way to the door and grabs a hoodie that lies on a chair. She pulls it overhead and stops for a second lingering in the scent. There’s something familiar about it, and she can’t figure out what. All she can say is that it smells like caramel. She brings the fabric closer to her face again and breathes in. Her body relaxes as she exhales. She’s unsure why, but this scent in particular makes her feel at ease. She pushes the frustration of not knowing the scent and moves to leave her room.