Paper Cuts

I did the right thing (did I?)

Playlist

Happier - Ed Sheeran
Be okay - Victoria Nadine
Champagne problems - Taylor Swift
Be alright - Dean Lewis

A/N

This isn't exactly a poem. It's just a unremarkable little story written in the most non-story like way.

Dedication

To the broken hearted people waiting for the perfect closure.
...
It doesn't exist.

I did the right thing,
When I cut you loose that night
Bore the blame, carried the guilt
Because though it takes two to fight
If it helps you move on
For you, I'd bear it, all over again.

I did the right thing
We were like a boat
sailing over tumultuous seas.
Bracing ourselves for impact
You thought we could survive
I knew we wouldn't make it through the night.
A storm was brewing up north
it was only a matter of time
till the tides tipped us over.

I did the right thing
They told me your eyes held that spark
The spark men have when they fall in love
We were reading the same novel
But you were a dozen pages ahead of me,
still invested, still intrigued
While I had grown tired and indifferent,
before the first chapter closed.

I did the right thing
He's a keeper, they said.
You found the right one this time.
Did they glimpse a side of you
that I couldn't find?
Karma is a goddess you don't provoke
Stealing your heart would be a crime
I'd be a thief if I couldn't offer you mine

I did the right thing
Little did you know, little did you see
You weren't the only one breaking.
Weren't the only one crumbling.
I'm sorry if I came across as too uncaring.
Baby, I'd been rehearsing,
Sticking to the script I'd been memorising
One I prepared since last evening.

I did right thing
I didn't realise then,
Breaking your heart meant breaking my own.
My mother never taught me
love isn't the only feeling that shatters the soul.
My father never warned me
guilt was like the rope you latch onto.
Your hand hurts, then grows numb
You only find healing when you let go.

I did the right thing
Though I can't call, can't text,
Can't come over to comfort you
Can't be the balm when I'm the bruise
This is what I did to myself
When I gave up that right the very night
I cut that call in eighty seconds,
I cut the ties between us too.

I did the right thing
When I avoid the places we once frequent
Afraid I'd find you there,
At the laundromat, the pharmacy,
The nine-eleven and the grocery store.
It's not the awkwardness I fear.
I can live with that, I promise
It's the guilt that gets heavier to bear.

I did the right thing
It's the clench in your jaw,
the telltale twitch of your brow
The way you'd harden your face,
you'd still watch me out of the corner of your eye,
Then dart past me when I glance your way.
Fine. I'll pretend I don't see.
If pretence helps you move on
For you, I'll do it, all over again.

I did the right thing
I hope you find the tape and glue
Find the closure you need
Deny all you want,
But I know you're still searching
From your missed calls on my phone
To the late night drunken texts
you regret and delete the next morning.
I see it all, then pretend I don't.
Whatever it takes
For you, I'll do it, over and over again.

I did the right thing
I hope the one who comes after me
kisses your scars and heals your pain,
I hope karma spares just this once
And instead guides you to your soulmate.
Your soulmate, who doesn't carry the guilt,
the way I do.

I did the right thing
I think my prayers were answered
When I met up with my friends yesterday
They told me they saw you laughing.
You seemed like you lost weight
Eye-bags under your eyes,
But your laughter was genuine
Like the first sun-rays peeking in
After a long week of rain.
And there was a girl on your arm
She was looking at you
The way you looked at me.

I did the right thing,
In a way I'm relieved, yet I'm not
A paradox I'm too young to understand
Time will ease the weight in my chest
This guilt will ease when you're okay
When your unrequited feelings
wouldn't be as unrequited anymore
Maybe this time, when we pass each other,
By the laundromat, the pharmacy
The nine eleven and the grocery store
With your soulmate in tow,
You won't look for me again.

I did the right thing.
Did I, though?

- Chris Bardot

A/N: please excuse the gross amount of punctuation errors. it's 1 am and my brain refuses to shut down. I've posted it un-betaed in spur of the moment.

if you made it to the end, i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

xoxo chris