'' Bad Days Make Good Poems ''

Ana's Button [mental health poem]

[A/N]: This is actually one of my favorite poems that I've written, despite how kinda depressing its meaning is-
Trigger Warning, as this poem speaks of the struggle of having an eating disorder.

(Extra note: This is not my current mindset and I am doing better now, I just like making things out of hard times because then I've got both a little time capsule of how i was feeling in the moment and some sick art that helps me progress in my self expression)

there is a button in the back of my mind
it shifts the gears,
softens my fears,
i can reach and push it if i really try

and ana is back again.

then i 
     f   a   l   l
    f  a  l  l
  f a l l
fall
back into old habits
with old food palates
my body hid in old, oversized, jackets

numbers decrease
both intake and outcome
they're tracked carefully
i feel deceased.

and ana says to keep going.

and i
     p   u   s   h
   p  u  s  h
  p u s h
push
walking further
in my own mind, only an observer
certain needs moved to back burners

feeling weak
sleeping through days
skipping meals
it's a painful technique.

and ana smiles.

but i
     l   o   o   k
    l  o  o  k
  l o o k
look
into the mirror
i can see my bones clearer
my goals, they're so much nearer.

more meals down a porcelain bowl
it makes my hand smell
it makes my throat burn
but i feel like i've finally gained more control

and ana watches.

finally i
     s   t   o   p
    s  t  o  p
  s t o p
stop
too exhausted from the ache
still not convinced that I've made a mistake
but i decide that i desperately need a break.

i simply close my eyes
after another bad period
of crafting my throne of bones
and vomiting up all of my lies

and ana waits.

[A/N]: Hope those who read through the poem enjoyed it somewhat-
Despite the rather grim origin/meaning behind this poem i like the way i wrote it and i think its interesting-
Thanks for reading <33