The Struggle Of Our Lives

Chapter 21, continued

Time to get all of this back to Lotte.

I handed the two cups of OJ to Teddy, and I held my drink and the bag of ice with the zipper folded over itself so I wouldn't lose my grip on the slippery plastic. We walked down the hallway in near complete silence, interrupted only by the sounds of heart monitors, TV noises, and the occasional call for a nurse to go somewhere. After a moment of silence, I turned to Theo.

"Do you need anything?" I asked. "Nah. I'm just a little cold." I agreed. The hospital was a little drafty and definitely did not have the freshest air. Our rooms and even the hallways smelt very pungently of hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol. I asked him if he needed a sweater or something else to wear until we left the hospital, and while he initially denied the offer, a small gust of wind from a set of doors down the hallway quickly changed his mind.

When we finally got back to the room, I opened the door to see that Charlotte had gotten up to sit on my cot next to September's bassinet. She held her in the crook of her elbow, using her other arm to support her little body. When she wasn't looking, I took a picture of the moment with my phone.

The two of us walked over with our things, and I handed Lotte her cup of orange juice. I sat with my back to hers on the opposite side of the cot and started sipping my raspberry tea mixture. The brew tasted absolutely divine, as I felt all my muscles relax, I pushed my back into Lotte, and her into mine so we supported each other. "How you doing?" I asked.

Teddy sat on the edge of Lotte's bed, gulping his orange juice with a smile. "I'm alright... Still a little sore, though." That reminded me of the bag of ice we had gotten. And I sat up, making Char lose her balance for a second, and reached over to Tedd, as he had the bag of ice sitting next to him on the bed. I got up and handed it to Lotte, and we positioned it on her lower stomach.

She released a sigh of relief, and as I sat down behind her, she leaned on me again. I smiled to myself, knowing I had helped a little bit. September stirred from her sleep and wiggled around in Char's arms for a moment. I had brought a small bag of clothes and such for us and the baby, so eventually, I got up and went to search the bag in the corner of the room by Theo's chair. In it, I found a white long-sleeved onesie and some teensy tiny yellow socks. On the onesie were the words, "Worth the Wait" written in cursive. The text was the same yellow as the socks; if not for the circumstances, the mini outfit would've given you baby fever.

I walked on over to Lotte and Tember and helped her un-swaddle and clothe the wee baby. Once she was all dressed, I pulled out my phone again and took a few pictures, soon making one my home screen. My lock screen was a picture of the twins playing on a set of swings at their school. I had taken it during career day when the twins had brought me to share what I did for work. I really didn't do much, just stood in front of the kiddos and their parents and explained that I worked two jobs. At the time, I had been working at Miranda's for a little over 4 years, and I also tutored children on the side while I babysat them.

While I was on my phone, I decided to mark September's birthday in my calendar.

July 31st: 🌸 Ember's Bday 💐

  I put my phone away as I reconsidered what happened to Lotte. I did the math, Lotte was raped by her teacher in October; two weeks before Halloween. I hoped that the timing wouldn't distort her view of the holiday, as it was one of their favorite holidays. They always enjoyed dressing up and getting candy (after I checked their bags, of course). I'd dress up too sometimes, and often we would go as a trio from a video game or TV show, like Dory, Marlin, and Nemo or something like that. One year we went as the Powerpuff girls. I was Buttercup, Lotte was Bubbles and Teddy was Blossom.

Last year, we slept through Halloween. We had costumes ready and on the couch, but we had decided to take a nap before we went trick or treating, and we slept through my alarm and woke up on November 1st. At first, we were bummed, but we quickly realized how funny the situation was, and just laughed it off.

  I looked again at Lotte's... my baby and sighed. She was so small, so delicate and fragile. One day she would grow up and look like her mother, with long and thick hair, eyes that look right through you, and the same dimples and smile lines. She would get bigger, and one day have her own life; her own preferences, hobbies, skills, and dislikes. Of course, she'll also have some quirks of her own, like, maybe she won't like school, or she'd prefer to be alone rather than with other people. Maybe she would grow to hate me, or her mother, perhaps for hiding the true circumstances of her birth.

  I pushed the intrusive thoughts out of my mind, and snuggled into Charlotte's back, resting my head on her left shoulder and looking down at the baby in her arms. She would never hate her mother, which I would make sure of. Of course, we would raise her as her sister, and siblings don't always get along.

We will figure this out. I will figure this out. As her mother and as the caregiver of the twins, it's my responsibility to take care of them.

  I've got this.