12 AM - (Ongoing)

Prologue

The taps of my acrylic nails reach my ears. A hand is placed on mine, and I turn to see my father, gentle as ever. "You might just drill a hole in the counter." I try for a smile, lightly holding his hand in my own. A knock on the door catches my attention and I pat my father's hand, running as fast as I can to the door, tripping on my heels in the process. I swing it open to see my husband. I throw myself into his arms, causing him to stumble back out the door. He grabs the frame to steady himself, placing a hand under me to hold me up. 

"Is everything okay? I got the message but all you said was emergency and sent your father's address. I thought- I thought..." his rambling trails off and he shakes his head. I tighten my arms around his shoulders. "How about you two come inside" I hear my dad offer. I slide down off of him and tug him along into the house urgently. 

Once we sit, dad sets some hot tea down before us, then joins us at the table. I pick up the cup, not wanting to be the one to break the silence. I smell the lavender and my eyes flick up to James. He smells it as well and his brows furrow. "Why are you giving me lavender old man? Trying a sleep trick or something?" I elbow him and dad chuckles softly "you're gonna need it, son."

I take a deep breath, setting my cup down. "I don't want to keep her. The baby, I mean." James sputters, shooting tea all over the new carpet. He chokes for a moment before snapping up to me. "What?!" I nod to confirm, and he stays silent, waiting for an explanation. "I can't. I just can't. Having a child in this world? It's not safe. I can't just raise my child with the knowledge of what's out there, James. I couldn't live with myself." I feel hot tears prick my eyes at the thought of leaving my sweet baby girl behind. 

After a few minutes, he takes in a breath, reaching out and clutching my hand. "Who would take her?" He asks, blinking more than usual. 

"I would. I can take her." My father smiles warmly at us and I hear James let out the breath he's been holding. "But only under the condition that you two aren't in her life. I will call you, send letters, photos, whatever you want. Just, don't let her know about you." My gasp mixes with a sob and James pulls me to his chest, resting his chin on my head. I cry into his chest as he rubs my back. 

"You would call us every week? And tell us how she's doing?" I hear him ask, a desperate tone in his voice.

"Of course."

"And you'll send photos of her? I have to know what my baby girl looks like when she's all grown up."

"Absolutely. Whatever you want" He repeats.

I sniff and sit up, letting James' arms fall. "Okay, I'm okay, I can do this." I sniffle, wiping the tears from my cheeks roughly. Dad pulls a tissue out of his pocket and passes it to me with a sympathetic smile. I dab the corner by my tear ducks and blow my nose. 

"We have to go home and pack" I point out to my dad. He nods and stands up, holding out a hand to pull me up. I take it, giving him a hug. "Will I be able to see you again?" I ask in a weak voice. He pats my back "Not for a while, and not often."  his confession makes me tear up again.  "I'm gonna' miss you daddy" I whisper. I feel hands pull me away. And I kiss my dad's cheek one last time.  My fingers find James's hand and interlock with his own. He guides me out the door and closes it softly. He walks to the car and sits in it without a single word. I walk around and sit in the passenger. 

Once I close my door and turn, I see what he's looking at. It's a picture of our baby. She is laughing and has her fingers in her mouth. Her chubby face is smiling so brightly that it could rival my father. Her dark skin is littered with smiley face stickers I had stuck on when I tickled her. 

He suddenly slams the sun visor closed and starts up the engine. "FUCK" he screams at nobody in particular, hitting the steering wheel. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a tear run down his face.