Honey

34. A Moth To A Flame.

—• Billy's POV •—

I feel as if I'm a moth drawn to an overbearing flame. The overbearing flame of doubt that has slowly grown from a single spark to a fucking house fire inside of me.

The toxic feeling dug it's claws into me and I've been fighting against it ever since, but in the end I just decided to give up. It was a losing battle after all. And now, well now I'm just doubting everything. Mostly though, I'm just doubting the fact that I'll ever see Thomas again. I know, it sounds really pathetic, but it's true. I can't help but think though, that my stupid brain might just be making some sense. His parents are, well they're his parents. And I wouldn't be surprised if they had something up their sleeve.

Fuck, I'm overreacting. I know I am, but can you blame me? No. Exactly.

I've been wandering around the house aimlessly ever since I arrived home from school. Seriously though, watching paint dry would probably be a much more entertaining way to pass the time. And before I tell you this I just want you to remember that I am in fact not an alcoholic. Ok? Did you get that? Not an Alcoholic!

Ok. Yeah I drank. A lot? Can't really remember. Am I now slightly drunk? Maybe. Like I said, I can't recall. It's not like I'm that drunk though. I feel fine. I'm not even dizzy, which is a good thing because the room would definitely be spinning right about now if I had chugged a whole bottle of vodka. Don't ask me how I know that.

I can't help it. I couldn't help it. I just...couldn't. When I saw the bottle, and that desire mixed with all the shit going on with Thomas, I just gave in. I couldn't stop myself.

If it makes you feel any better though, I'm pretty sure it was kind of watered down. Why? Definitely Asher trying to cover his tracks no doubt. If you think I drink a lot, you should see him.

Yeah, it made me feel better, but the fact still remains that I haven't seen Thomas at all today and my heart is beginning to tear at the fact that I haven't even heard from him at all since this morning.

I don't even allow myself to come up with a million different ideas of what could have happened. I can't afford to do that right now. It would only be a waste of time. Now that I know Thomas, and now that I love him. I know he'll be back.

Anyways, I don't know why I'm actually this worried. I think I may be forgetting one very key thing about my boyfriend. He's literally a badass jock who could make anyone tear up with just a single look. He'll be fine. He's been through worse. He's strong, stronger than me anyway.

If the shoe were on the other foot and it were me coming out to my extremely homophobic parents, I'd be shitting myself. I'm not afraid to admit that I'd more than likely chicken out last minute. I'm a coward, I know. At least Thomas is brave enough. That's all that matters. As long as he can do it and come out relatively unscathed, then everything will be ok.

My mind relaxes slightly and I puff out a breathe I wasn't aware I'd been holding in as I slowly zone back into the world. The familiar walls of my room and the faint smell of Thomas on my bed sheets bring me back and I carefully rise from the bed as to not worsen my slightly drunken state.

Once my two feet are firmly planted on the floor and I've decided that I'm not going to collapse if I move another inch, I finally make my way out of my room. The door creaks obnoxiously as I open it and quickly shut it behind me. The sound of the t.v playing in the  living room reaches my ears as I carefully descend the stairs, the image of Asher sprawled out on the sofa slowly coming into view as I enter the room.