TW! VOMITTING ( I WONT SAY MUCH BUT JUST KNOW IT WILL BE A BIT 'DETAILED?' IG ^.^)
ITS 3:45 AM!
UPDATE ME ON YOUR LIFE!
AND NOW YOUVE FOUND THE ONE!
BUT I DONT LIKE THEIR EYES!
AND I DISTRUST THEIR NAME!
AND I HATE THEIR HAIR CUT! THEY LOOK LIKS A PRICK! (A PRICK)
BUT ITS ALL THE SAME! WOULD BE DAFT OF ME TO CRY! YOU TOUNGE IS RAZOR SHARP, I MISS WHEN IT WOULD FIGHT MINE, LEFT YOUR HEART ON STAND BY!
idk what else to write here...
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I wake up on the couch. I remember that we all decided to just sleep on the couch, well Ranboo was on the floor with a pillow and blanket... But uh. Yeah! I sit up, my vision goes all funny for a quick second but I close them and open them again, and my vision is back to normal. I just sit there, legs tucked close to my body, chin on my knees, arms wrapped around my legs. Eventually wilbur and ranboo get up. I ate supper in my room yesterday, though I really just threw it out, but their going to think I have a eating disorder or something, which I have been thinking about that a lot recently, I didnt want to self diagnose though, so I just left it alone. I get up with wil and ranboo and we go to the kitchen I just grabbed a bowl of cereal, I had 3 medium bowls of cereal... I wasnt proud about it, but sometimes I would just be not eating a lot then all the sudden im overeating, then repeat. Wilbur seemed to notice, but not ranboo. Wilbur looks at me like I just ate his children, which is only a ranboo move, and sapnap dosent have kids yet so not even a ranboo move. I feel bad for eating this much, I feel like I did something wrong, so I get up and run to the bathroom, I put my pointer and middle finger together and put them to the back of my throat, (I was hesitant on writing this cause I dont want some kid to come across this and try it :') But uh dont try that at home kids, uh it dosent work dont try it) I lean over the toliet and push my fingers a bit farther back, causing me to throw up. I feel someone rubbing circles on my back and pulling my hair out my face. I look behind me and see someone with fluffy hair and circular glasses. Wilbur. I flush the toliet, and stand up.
Wilburs pov :
When Tubbo left I knew exactly what was happening and I feel it was my fault, I was looking at him after he ate. I wasnt disgusted, but proud, but also at the same time confused. i've barely seen him eat, he didnt eat much when we were here last time either. He dosent eat but then suddenly eats a lot? Im not sure but I heard those are symptoms of bulimia? I'm not sure though. I rush upstairs, and see him throwing up, for a second I get mini deja vu from when tommy purged, but I brush it off and rush over to him, rubbing circles on his back, and pulling his hair out of his face. I couldnt do anything about it now he had already thrown up.
"you okay?" I ask. I never like asking that question especially when its obvious their not but it just slips out some times.
"mm" He says, which was a 'mhm' or 'yeah' He gets up and grabs his toothbrush, I take that as my queue to leave, so I do just that.
Tubbos pov :
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after brushing his teeth
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throwing up left a gross taste left in my mouth so I brushed my teeth. I walk back downstairs, unsurprised to see Ranboo and Wilbur there. We sit on the couch watching 'the office' for nearly and hour when I hear the door bell ring. Ranboo pauses the tv, and I get up to get the door, wilbur and ranboo turning their head so they can see the door from where they are. When I opened the door, I almost instantly wanted to close it. Dream was standing there sapnap and quackity behind him.
"What do you want?" I ask with a bit more of an attitude than intended.
"I... Feel bad about what happened... Or what I did..."
"so... your apologizing..?" By now ranboo and wilbur got up off the couch and gathered behind me.
"yes! I'm sorry." I wanted to laugh, I wanted to laugh so hard till the point I couldn't breathe, until I died. What a petty bitch.
"okay. I dont forgive you."
"Tubbo, I said im sorry"
"yeah, and I do not forgive you." I say bluntly.
"know what I like about you?" I say
"nothing." I follow up with.
"I just want you to realize... that you're not a good person."
"now fuck off!" I say putting both my middle fingers up at him, and closing the door on him. I laugh my arse off and so does wilbur and ranboo. The urge to just runaway forget about everything, or just give up has never been more high. Everything fucking pisses me off Wilbur or someone asking 'have you eaten?' 'come eat' like just fucking leave me a alone. I may come off as a dickhead probably because I am. But I try. Right? I've been obsessed with my body, trying to get a perfect body even though I cant just lay around in bed all day, and I actually have to put effort into this stuff, but its kind of became a desire to be prefect. To have a 'perfect' body. (ADJAWND EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL!!!) Tommy was the first person whoever made me feel good about being me. And to be honest hes perfect. Hes funny, the tommy on stream wasnt tommy, tommy was nice he wasnt much of a arse I guess? Hell he definitely wasn't all happy and cheerful like on stream, it was simply a persona, that was TommyInnit, Tom Simons was separate. I love him to pieces for everything hes done for me. (I dont need to say what kind of way this is in right? its in a bestfriend way :) ok enjoy)
I swear im going crazy cause I thought I heard someone that sounded like tommy say
'I love you to pieces too tubbo' But it was so faint I could barely hear it over 'the office' playing on the tv. I remember this one time when, tommy & I was at a little candy shop, and I tommy kept bring buckets of cotton candy over to me to carry, he kept saying 'oh just one more.' but even if he bought every last cotton candy in that shop, I would still had carried it for him. I have a stream with James marriott tomorrow I think it'll be fun, james is funny imo, were doing a bad art = ban. Wilbur will probably be in his office with Ranboo or something. I remember when I was about 13 maybe? I told one of my bestfriends that I started cutting. I lied when I said I started cutting at the beginning of the year I was only a few months clean before then, and plus I cant stop I lost months of being clean due to carelessness and being selfish anyways, the next day they showed me their arms and they had cuts along them, 1 on each arm, they were small and dull, they later sent a video of them making those cuts. They said 'if you cut I'll cut' LIKE DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO PICK UP A FUCKING CHAIR. AND SMASH IT AGAINST THEIR FUCKING FACE. They made 'mean' comments about me to make other people laugh. I may seem like ive gone from sensitive to being a dick.
I just act like a dick so I dont sob my eyes out 24/7. So i dont seem weak.
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Its 3:45...
your taxis not arrived... I Dont think that hes coming...
PERSONALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITE LINES FROM PERFUME - LOVEJOY IS
IT SEEMS LIKE ALL HER FRIENDS, ABRUPTLY FELL INLOVE AND SHE WAS IN THE DUST STALLING, LIFE WAS STREAMING PAST, SO SHE LEARNT TO LIE SHE LEARNT HOW TO PRETEND, A DRAMA IN THE FUTILE A MEANS TO AN END. WHY CANT YOU BE A DICK? WHY MUST YOU BE SO NICE?
But I also love the bit in the start and the end of the song CAUSE YES.
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1428 - words
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
Guilt. |Tubbo angst|pt 2, to 'I Give Up'|
Hayran KurguAfter TommyInnit, Tubbo's best friend for years, committed, he fell into a deep(er) state of depression. Tubbo was the last person Tommy had spoken to before committing, and he felt a lot of guilt, some of his friends even told him it was, partly hi...
