Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages

Everyone Has Secrets

Riley's Pov:

I didn't want to talk to Thomas yet here I was, asking him to stay. I was surprised that he'd come to check on me and touched that he'd brought me a drink, even if it was only because of the group. I was also humiliated. I'd wanted time to lick my wounds. I knew I looked like a mess... used even. I was sure Thomas could guess that I'd done something similar to our first night together and wondered why he hadn't mentioned it. I felt completely ashamed over my encounter with Fred and embarrassed that I'd been naive enough to think that the sex would go well. I never wanted anyone else to know about it. Yet, I'd asked Thomas to stay while I was feeling vulnerable and chatty. I was just full of bright ideas.

"The room is pretty small... you can sit on the bed if you want. I'll take the floor," I offered.

I wanted a little space away from him. I was a bit drunk and given everything that happened... I didn't want to do anything even more stupid, like trying to hold Thomas's hand. I felt more lonely than ever and I knew it wouldn't take much for me to cling onto him.

"We could both sit on the bed or the floor?" He proposed, looking at me with way more pity than I felt I was allowed.

"I-yeah... we could. It really is a small room though. It might be a tight fit," I exaggerated.

"Whatever makes you comfortable," he answered with a soft smile. "Do you have a laptop? We could watch a movie or something?"

I blushed, suddenly remembering that the only dvd I currently owned was "Brokeback Mountain".

"I... I don't really have anything we could watch and I can't afford to stream anything," I answered.

Thomas's phone buzzed and he looked down to read the message. At his surprised expression, I asked, "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine, just reading the house group chat to make sure everything is taken care of for tonight," he replied.

I felt myself go even more red. Had Fred told anyone about our hookup?

"Are you needed?" I asked quietly, my mind racing about what I should do.

"Nah, they got it. Sorry about that. I won't be on my phone all night, promise. Ok, so no movie, huh? Well, we could-" Thomas started.

"Did the messages mention me?" I blurted out, sick with anxiety that my little secret had already reached his ears.

"No... why do you ask?" Thomas questioned, looking genuinely confused.

"It's just," I broke eye contact as a flush rose up my neck, "I did something and... it's just occurring to me that there might be rumors about it."

Fuck. I hadn't wanted him to ever find out about this but... if everyone knew about what I'd done with Thomas, would Fred really keep our hookup a secret?

"Rumors about what?" He asked carefully, looking almost guilty.

"I hooked up with Fred!" I admitted, needing to get the confession over with as quickly as possible. I watched his eyes widen and felt my own sting with tears, ashamed to hear what he now thought of me. "Please don't be mad!" I begged, "I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else."

"Why would I be mad at you?" He asked, looking a bit hurt. "It's not like you owe me anything. Even if there do end up being rumors, I wouldn't have been angry with you for it."

My heart raced as I peeked up at him through my wet lashes and whispered, "Does that mean you're still my friend?"

"Of course! Riley, I... I care about you. If anything, I'm upset that you seem so sad about it. Did... something bad happen?" He asked gently as he joined me to sit on the floor.