Beautiful Gifts, Small Packages

The Truth Comes Out

Hello my beautiful readers! <3

This chapter we will see a different side to Thomas, that I hope isn't off putting. I know I saw a comment in an earlier chapter that alluded to the fact that Thomas shouldn't have insecurities or anxiety because he's attractive and rich, etc but to me that's not realistic. Leaving a Dom or being left by one or having your boundaries crossed can feel like a huge violation and be debilitating, fucking with your normal life and the possible ptsd as a result is ridiculously hard to deal with. It's not always just a fun game. I'm speaking from experience. I have nothing against hardcore bdsm or edge play (done safely!) but only if there's a way for the sub to be taken care of, or a plan for them to care and self sooth by themselves afterwards. But even planned scenes or things enjoyed during a scene can be upsetting and mess with your mind later, especially if you experience sub drop or if you've had horrible experiences in the past.

Also, for those that don't know: Sub drop is an intense physical and emotional experience that mostly affects submissive partners after an intense BDSM session. It's an entirely unpleasant feeling that can settle in moments, hours, or even a couple of days after your BDSM scene. It can effect your mood and behavior and make things like anxiety and depression even worse. Intensity doesn't have to specifically be caused by physical pain but often is.

I bring this up because I'm concerned some might see Thomas as weak or annoying and not understand why he should be receiving understanding and compassion and sooo much patience. Then there's the fact that he's been hiding part of him self for a while and that he fully expected to date Riley while remaining pretty vanilla. So, though he wants it, acting on submission again means dealing with past damage. Please consider that and try to think kindly of him. Submission is a beautiful, precious thing that can be so easily damaged.

I hope you enjoy the chapter and sorry for the fact that this will be my last update for a little while but that doesn't mean I'm done with this story yet :)

Much love! Xx

Ps: also, also!! Please comment. They make writing worth it and always brighten my day :) I read them over and over! Thank you :)

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Thomas's Pov:

I tried my best to contain my nervous excitement as I drove Riley to The Country Inn & Suites hotel, wishing I could take him somewhere more fancy. I was still in shock over the fact that he was leaning towards doing this with me and I felt that he deserved the best, regardless of whether we did anything sexual tonight or not. Unfortunately, I had an early class in the morning and it was the nicest place I could think of that was close by. I parked and hurried out of the car so that I could open Riley's door for him, unable to temper the need to be of service, mixed up with my views on how I should treat my partner with chivalry. I knew power exchange wasn't meant to happen quite yet but my head was already there. I was starting to feel really bad for shattering Riley's confidence by disappearing on him. Yes, I'd gotten flowers and dressed nice and yes, we were talking about it but all that did little to soothe me when it came to this. I hated failing and I hated letting my man down. I'd fucked up, big time, and I deserved some sort of punishment for it, especially when the scene he did hadn't even scared me. It had been sweet and wonderful, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I wanted to bring up that he should punish me, if he really wanted to be my Daddy that is, but I knew I shouldn't. It was too soon for him to see the twisted side of me. Besides, he hadn't seemed to like when I mentioned punishment while kissing his feet in his room. I needed to at least figure out what my Dom wanted out of me.

I shook my head in frustration, trying to keep myself straight. Riley was my boyfriend first, not just my Dom. I had to remember that but my past was making it extremely difficult, as my ex saw himself as my Master first and boyfriend last. Why did I have to deal with that nagging baggage now, when things were going so great? I grabbed Riley's arm, protecting him from the nonexistent traffic, as we made our way inside and smiled when he squeezed my arm in approval. Then I stepped up towards the front desk to ask for a room. The receptionist smiled politely and informed me that the only room available was the deluxe suit, costing $200 for the night. I simply handed my card over, wincing a little when Riley gasped at the price.