My Tides -Thanatos and Eros-

Supervision

"She's driving me crazy!" sighs Dr. Lambe, "She's canceled the session again. She doesn't even care that she has to pay for the session herself if she doesn't stick to the agreed 24-hour rule. Just before the session, her alarm clock reminds her that she needs to see me. And one phone call later, she forgoes the trip to her own inner world. I know that Ms. Azabi is having another writing phase. An excessive writing phase in which she is no longer capable of anything else," she reports to her supervisor.

Every psychoanalyst reflects on his own behavior and experience in a supervision.

The transference of the patient within the analysis can trigger fatal reactions if the therapist does not reflect himself outside the session.

And Dr. Lambe often addresses her feelings toward Amara in her supervision.

She wants to respond neutrally and wholesomely in her sessions.

But she finds this difficult.

Amara Abazi is a very tough nut to crack.

Her resistance is still so vehement after two years that Dr. Lambe catches herself wanting to stop treating this patient.

Yet her biography is so interesting.

She is exceedingly bright and receptive.

When it comes to others, she can work out and analyze the subtlest emotions.

But her own inner world lies behind cemented doors.

Her fear of listening to herself is immense.

And her protagonists serve as an outlet for her.

She creates deep worlds in order to hide in them.

Lets her pain flow through the veins of the fictional characters.

And yet her novels always end with the highest and purest happiness.

As if she could only find happiness in her imagined world.

"What happened that she lapsed into a writing frenzy again?" asks Professor Dieckmann.

"She seemed very introverted in the last session. I could see her sadness. Before, she casually reported that she had been back to visit her mother. That rarely happens, but always leaves her in shambles. But she always seems poised and neutral when she talks about her," Dr. Lambe reports.

"Your mother is still in an assisted living facility?" he asks.

"Yes, Ms. Azabi has since vacated her apartment. She told me what she took as memories. Just some clothes of her late father. And her mother's bedspread," she replies.

"Interesting. Her bedspread," he repeats.

"As soon as I picked that up, she went into resistance. She suddenly laughed at herself. She just wanted to keep a comforter, she said. And when I asked her if her mother had cuddled with her, she was silent. After that I could no longer reach her. She fought with tears and mocked the weak humanity. And after a long pause of silence, she suddenly glowed. She felt exactly that she wanted to write now. There was something slumbering inside her," Dr. Lambe summarizes.

"Does she talk to you about the new novel she has started?" asks Professor Dieckmann.

"It's the sixth novel in a year. Unbelievable. I was so hoping she would take a break after the last novel. So far, she hasn't talked about it. I can see exactly how her intoxication completely befuddles her when she feels her urge. As soon as we dig a little deeper, her defense mechanism kicks in. She thinks Thantatos himself is forbidding her tears," Dr. Lambe shakes his head.

"Thanatos?" marvels Professor Dieckmann, "She means the death drive. She is a Freudian, after all."

"Yes, and the life instinct then suddenly supersedes the death instinct. She fends off her grief with autoaggressions. When her autoaggressive impulses take over, suddenly the psychic energy of Eros kicks in, her libido. Reality is guided by Thanatos. The fiction of Eros," Dr. Lambe explains.

"Why don't you work with that? Her fears are being personally tucked away by Thanatos. Then I guess Eros has to be used to get her to open up," he suggests.

"You mean you want me to talk to her about her protagonists to get at their repressed content?" she asks.

"If Ms. Azabi is unable to engage in analysis after two years, they may get creative. She herself uses the protagonists as an outlet. You, too, can give the protagonists a hearing. Provide them with a mouthpiece. Get involved with their Eros in order to approach its antipole, the Thanatos!", Dr. Lambe's supervisor replies.

Dr. Lambe takes a deep breath in and out.

"What are you afraid of?" he mirrors her.

"I've always tried to keep her in reality so far. If I allow her fantasy to join our session, it could trigger psychosis. I'm afraid she'll lose herself entirely. Her manic episodes sometimes seem delusional. She barely eats or drinks. Doesn't sleep. And keeps canceling therapy. I don't know if I can take that risk," she says, describing her fears.

"I understand. Sometimes we have to rely on our gut feelings. You have known Ms. Azabi for two years. She has been visiting you three times a week for a year. For a year, she has had these writing excesses that you reported. So psychoanalysis is on its way to her repressed contents. Now you have to assess whether Ms. Azabi is strong enough to get to herself through her protagonists," Professor Dieckmann summarizes the facts.

Dr. Lambe feels a tingling in her stomach.

If she gets the protagonists on the therapy couch, she can finally reach Amara.

Then the sessions can serve as an outlet.

And her fears can be calmed.

She just has to keep her in reality.

And Amara's stories are always a glimpse into real life.

And her happy endings show her hope for happiness.

"I'm going to try!" decides Dr. Lambe finally, "And I think I'm going to need you to do it. Please don't be surprised that Ms. Azabi will remain the subject of supervision."

Professor Dieckmann smiles warmly.

"I'm actually very excited," he replies, waiting for the reports on the creative project.