davesport oneshots! <3

Santa Davey!

MERRY DAVEMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! I did not give you guys a davemas oneshot last year, but I shall deliver this year! *cough* i don't even know if i'm going to post this *cough* but whatever! 

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I crawled my way through old sport's vents, trying my hardest not to make a sound, which was quite hard to do while shit-faced drunk. What? It was davemas eve! It's not like I had anything else to do! But that's besides the point! I'm here on a mission! 

"Davey? What kind of mission are you on anyways?" You may be asking right now. "Davey, you aren't going to do anything stupid, are you?" "Davey-" Shush viewer! I know what I'm doin'.  As I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted, I'm here to deliver a gift to my dearest sportsy! Ya' see, there is this guy called...fuck what was his name again? Uh...Santa Claus! That's it! And he breaks and enters into children's houses on davemas eve and gives them presents! Now, I don't break into kidden's houses, but I do break into sportsys! Which is why I thought this was a great idea! 'Cause then he'll wake up and be like: "omg davey!!! you brought me presents!! now ill love you forever and even let you give me a peck on the cheek!!" ....nah he probably wouldn't be like that but I can have dreams okay!!

I had arrived at the opening right above old sport's bedroom. I slowly pushed it open and plopped myself out onto old sport's hard wood floor. "Ouch, that smarts! You'd think I'd get used to it after a while!" I quickly covered my mouth. God damn it Davey get ahold of yourself! You can't wake him up you dimwit! I peeked my head up above old sport's bed to see if he had woken up, and to my avail, he hadn't. I got up and tip-toed over to the side of his bed, trying my best to be careful but failing in the process and accidently knocking something off of old sport's dresser. It was glass...whoops.

Old sport shot awake looking straight at me. "Dave..?" "What the fuck are you doing in my house?!" I quickly sat down my present and ran out of his room. I heard Old sport get up and run after me! Shit! I ran down the stairs and through the kitchen to the front door. Old sport grabbed a frying pan off of his counter and he wacked me on the head with it before I could open the door! How rude!

I laid on the ground while drifting in-and-out of consciousness. Old sport stood above me. "sssportsyy,," "Dave, what the fuck." Then I blacked out.

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I slowly woke up, in an unfamiliar place. "Aw shit! Did I black out at some hooker's place again?!" I said while sitting up. "Nope." A familiar voice said. I realized that it was no hooker's house, just my beloved sportsys. I was in his living room. I looked over at the couch next to me to see sportsy in his pjs sipping on a cup o' joe. "Morning." He said. "Mornin' sports." Old sport set his coffee down on a little table and stood up, walking over and grabbing two presents that were..on the ground. I guess old sport was too lazy to actually put up a christ-DAVEMAS tree up. He handed me a purple wrapped present and sportsy held the present I had left for him, which had orange wrapping paper.  "You open yours first Dave." Old sport said. I quickly ripped it open to see a las vegas shirt! "Wow! Thanks sportsy!" I started to tear up. "Nobody has ever gotten me a davemas gift before old sport..." Then my tears quickly went away. "Now open yours old sport!" I said. To be honest, I don't actually remember what I got him, I may have picked it out while I was drunk..  Old sport slowly unwrapped his present to see..an eggplant. A fucking eggplant. "Oh." I said. "Dave, what the hell." He said. "Aw shit.." Old sport just stared at me with a look of disapproval. He took a deep breath in, "....It's the thought that matters, Dave. Thank you." He said. "You're welcome sportsy!" I said while moving over to sportsy's couch and wrapping an arm around him. "Merry Christmas Dave--" "IT'S DAVEMAS, OLD SPORT." "WHAT THE FUCK IS DAVEMAS?!"

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Lesson learned: blo0dykn1ves sucks ass at writing and makes unfunny jokes. Well, I hope you all have a Merry davemas or a happy whatever holiday you celebrate!