Sometimes it's hard
Feeling alone;
Being grateful
Yet feeling so out of step.
I love my friends.
It's just that sometimes
Even though I know they're there
I still feel like
It's just me.
Sometimes I fear that I'm replaceable:
That no matter what I do
Or how much I try to keep my relationships alive
That they're all going to move on without me.
Sometimes I think that my sadness is masking anger.
You get used to giving and trying and not receiving.
You get used to feeling forgotten.
Then you feel like you shouldn't have to be-
You feel like there is something you bring to the table
That others should reach out to you too instead of expecting you to reach out to them.
Because when you hear from no one
You get used to being alone
And your mind convinces you that this is the way it's supposed to be.
But it's not.
Although sometimes we are put in situations by ourselves
So that we can see clearly
Separated from the noise that clouds our view,
We were created for community.
God looked at the first human They created and said, "it is not good for man to be alone"
And He watches over us with Their care while He sits upon His throne.
At times I can't help but wonder,
"What am I doing wrong?"
Sometimes I think:
Maybe it's my fault
Maybe I was reaching too high
Maybe I got my hopes up too quickly
And I mistook a lie for the truth.
Maybe what felt like it was meant to be was actually all in my head;
A crafted image built from the eager desire to know what it's like to truly feel loved
By a partner or friend,
Then feeling guilty for even having the expectation when it falls through.
But I can't dwell on it.
I have to trust the Lord's plan.
I believe that He is good
And I know
That I am loved beyond measure
Even when it's harder to love myself.
But it is that love that gives me strength,
It is that love that reminds me of my worth
And it is that love that I want to spread to others.
I must keep my hope
And heal from the cuts that have wounded my heart
Because I still have a purpose
And I know that I can do all things through the One who gives me strength.
YOU ARE READING
Poems from a Peacemaker
Poetry"If knowing me, even for a moment, brings light into people's lives, then no matter what happens.. my life will have been a life worth living" - Brea Tonae These are a collection of thoughts that I've had throughout my journey. Each chapter is an in...
