Figure My Heart Out

Christmas Part 6

Bucky stuffed his metal hand into his pocket as he walked into the coffee shop that had quickly become Chanel's favorite. She was waiting for him in the car which he had double parked. He realized he had spent so much time with her that being alone even for these few minutes had his anxiety rising quickly. Without her fingers intertwined with his metal ones, he felt unmoored. People stared at him openly, taking pictures sneakily as he kept his eyes trained on the floor. Things had been worse. Back before he was granted his pardon, people were much more forward. Ugly stares and insults were not uncommon. At that time, he rarely left his apartment. How could he when every ugly detail of his life was constantly breaking news? He truly didn't know how he survived it.

Bucky went through the motions of ordering coffee and moved to the side to wait. How much of his trial had his family seen? Was it naïve to hope they hadn't seen any of it? That they hadn't watched the constant attacks that passed as news?

"Bucky!"

Bucky frowned at the cheery barista that now recognized him as a regular called his name over the sizeable crowd.

"Where's Chanel?" The barista, a college kid with an optimistic smile, asked.

"Car."

The barista nodded, handing Bucky his drinks. "Well, tell her I say hi!"

Bucky raised his brows in response. Maybe he didn't need to be worried about what his family knew or didn't know. They'd be too distracted by Chanel, just like everyone else. Even when she wasn't in the room, she outshined him.

Bucky finally gave the barista a small smile. "I'll tell her. Happy Holidays, kid."

**

"One vanilla latte with extra whipped cream," Bucky handed Chanel her latte before he sat his plain black coffee in the cup holder.

Chanel popped the lid off the cup and inhaled deeply. "Perfect. Want some extra spice in yours?" She held out a small vodka bottle and a little flask.

Bucky laughed and shook his head, assuming she was joking.

"Suit yourself," Chanel shrugged and dropped the flask back into her purse before twisting the cap off her vodka bottle.

Bucky bit his tongue and focused on easing the car back into traffic. He didn't blame her for needing a little help to get through the day; he was actively fighting the pit of anxiety threatening to open and swallow him whole.

"How long is the drive?" Chanel asked as she gulped down her coffee.

"About five hours. If I drive fast."

"Damn," Chanel took another big drink of her coffee. "I'm sure the traffic will lighten up once we're out of the city."

Chanel rubbed Bucky's thigh. She always knew when he was getting overwhelmed. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Being late should not be at the top of his worry list right now. The longer Chanel rubbed his thigh, the harder it was for him to think of anything that should be at the top of the list.

**

Several hours later, they were cruising through little suburbs and large stretches of open road. The scenery, large trees dusted in snow, and the occasional deer made Chanel feel like they had left more than just the city behind. The anxiety she had been trying to ignore the entire drive dissipated for a moment as she imagined the life she would lead if she lived here. Out in the quiet, open, calm.

"It's pretty out here," she said casually, stretching in her seat.

"Yeah? I thought you liked the city?" Bucky questioned.