a soulmate that wasn't meant to be

chapter 17

TW: mention of death, sh

"You know atsushi, people come and go in our lives, but what if I don't want them to go?"

Atsushi stared in confusion at dazai

"What do you mean dazai-san?"

the bruenette sighed and stared at the ceiling while laying in his couch

"Dazai-san you need to get up and eat, drink and shower, I can't take care of you everyday!"

"He used to"

"Who?"

"Chuuya, he used to take care of me everyday"

Atsushi sighed and took the bandaged man off the couch "You can't keep laying down! What happened?" "He left me, chuuya, he.. he finally realised what a shitty monster I am" he said with a chuckle while trying to keep himself together "Why would he think that? Even if you were a monster, people can change can't they?"

Change?
Can they change? Do they really change? Can horrible mon human creatures change? Every person I have met in my life that it's supposed they changed, they didn't. You can't change how you think, your theories, your methods, you won't be yourself. If you is a monster and terrible that's who you are. Can it change?

"Atsushi do you really think people can change?" the white haired boy nobbed as he picked up some wine bottles from the floor "Chuuya's favourite red wine" "This?" "Yeah" he said with a smile "Good taste, I dont really drink but people have said it's good" "We would always take it from his brother to ruin his date and then drink it, he loved it, we laughed and then I played with his hair while he was drunk because he wouldn't let me otherwise" he missed him, dazai just realised how important Chuuya was to him and now he had lost him, he couldn't play with his hair anymore, he couldn't have fun with him anymore, he couldn't have breakfast at his house everyday, he couldn't tease him, he couldnt hug him tightly, he couldn't cancel his date to go with the arcades with him, suddenly he decided to call someone, a girl from the past.

"Give me my phone atsushi" atsushi hand him his phone as he tried to figure who dazai planned to call "Hey emu" "Who is this?" "Dazai osamu, can we meet? I'm in Japan" emu was speechless but agreed to meet dazai the following hour at their old date spot.

"If you're planning on asking me to be your girlfriend again, don't even try it, but what happened to you..? You look.. depressing" emu was still the old emu, she was sitting drinking some white wine and stared at the bruenette in pity "Its nothing" "You went to university didn't you? Why did you decide to come back now?" "To see-" "chuuya" dazai was suprised but smile softly "Yeah, chuuya" "He kicked you out didn't he?" "He is just having a hard time, his family and girlfriend betrayed him and he lost a close friend that-" the pinked haired girl stare at him straight in the eyes with a serious look

"Dazai. He had enough of you. Do you realisd how much hurt you have caused him? Your actions and going to university and away from here helped you but destroyed everyone around you, you can't think only of yourself. You hurt him for years and when you finally showed him love you left him. Is that fair for him?"

"University was-" "important?" Emu slapped him "You did something wrong dazai. You blamed me and viewed me out as homophobic because you were trying to stop yourself from loving chuuya and of course I got jealous and tried to keep you to myself that was toxic but you were my boyfriend! But I was never homophobic or treated chuuya bad! He was there when you got bullied or cut yourself or had problems, yes I know, he was the only one that could calm you down and take care of you but you treated him like shit!" Before dazai could say anything emu spoke again "You have a chance to redeem yourself. Fyodor is back in town and he knows everything about everyone so he knows how chuuya's friend died and he will go comfort him since chuuya now 'hates you' go save him before its too late" "he can defend himself" the pinked haired female got up and didn't even look at dazai

"I know he can, but it will seem heroic won't it? You know it too, but you know what osamu? I hope he doesn't forgive you. You don't deserve forgiveness"

She walked away slowly as dazai went back to his apartment.