Motive

chapter two- emotions

Muffled screams filling my room, my face in my pillow yelling tears running down my sob face. I ripped chunks of my hair out. My eyes puffy my head hurting, my mind, my mind so blank. I couldn't even feel my head throbbing. I couldn't feel anything really. I lifted my head up from my black pillow, I store at the wall. I just looked there, honestly what was wrong with me? I herd faint crying. I looked at my hands moving them, was i doing this? was i moving my hands? I store at them maniacally. I wiped my tears my eyes probably puffy and red, I got up from my bed leaving my dull lit room. I walked to my aunts room, I looked at her weeping. "Are you okay?" i asked my voice quiet. "What did i to deserve this?" she asked softly hearing her loud whimpers. I walked over to her sitting next to her and hugging her, she laid her head on my chest, as i wrapped my arms around her crying torso. "its okay, tell me whats wrong" i said comforting her. "Why is my life like this?" she asked her sobbing getting louder. "I was good! I did everything right!" she said loudly sobbing. "Why am i stuck watching you?! You ruined my life! I hate you! you took everything from me!" she pulled away yelling at me while crying. "Your such a fucking disgrace, you know that right?" she said with pure anger in her voice. She started throwing glass bottle's off her floor at my face. "What did i do?!" i started yelling back tears running down my face. "I fucking hate you, you know that? why did you even take me in? If you were gonna treat me this way?" I yelled sobbing at her.

"Please baby, i didn't mean it. I love you so much you know this.. trust me" she looked at me crying whining to me like a child. "No, you are BIPOLAR. GET HELP. Im calling cps. Im not dealing with this shit" I yelled, getting up to grab my phone. "No you bitch! get the fuck over here, you are not calling anyone" she yelled getting up as well. I ran to my room slamming the door. My breathing repressing, I locked my door running to get my phone. "Open the fucking door!" she yelled banging on my door. She started crying breaking down whimpering "Please! Im sorry Waylen" she said crying banging her head on the door. She started screaming and crying "Im so sorry" she said chocking on sobs, she hit her head harder, as i started to feel bad. I walked closer to the door opening it, to see her laying on the floor fetal position. Her face mental. "Im calling josh." I said walking away from her grabbing my phone and dialing his number. She didn't even hear me, she probably couldn't hear me.

I herd the door ringing, I stepped over my aunt who was still laying in my door way. I walked downstairs sighing as i opened the door for josh. I looked at him, His blonde hair his hazel colored eyes. I looked up at him his face blank like there was nothing, nothing going through him. He walked passed me going up the stairs getting my aunt. He picked her up walking downstairs, I watched them leave letting out a shaky sigh closing the door behind him and locking it. I started hyperventilating, tears running down my eyes. No matter how many times this happened i could never get used to it. I wiped my eyes walking upstairs and going into my dull room, I laid in the middle of the floor staring at the ceiling. I listened to the sound of nothing, the replay of everything in my mind. I herd the screams the cries.
I hated everything, I missed my mom, my dad. I missed how life used to be. why was that all taken from me?

I flipped over laying on my stomach, oh how i hated my stomach it wasn't flat like the others, but oh how i wished it was. I looked at the floor it was soft it felt like carpet, was it carpet? i couldn't tell my mind was so lost. I let my head fall to the ?carpet¿ blanking out from the existence of life. I woke up my mouth dry the earth senseless, I slowly got up the world blurry my room dark, so dark it was almost meaningless like a void. I sighed my legs shaky, my head swirling, and my vision repressing, and my balance weakening. This wasn't anything new. I walked slowly touching the walls just incase i fell, I slowly walked downstairs, my eyes blank as i fell down the flight of stairs. I felt my head hit the ground at the bottom of the staircase, I slowly opened my eyes tears slowly inching there way out my sockets. I felt my tears fall as i laid there on the ground hopeless and afraid. "why does the world hate me" i weeped I wiped my salty tears, slowly getting up. I stood up slowly limping towards the kitchen, I walked towards my white beat down fridge grabbing a frozen tv dinner, I opened it slowly placing it in the microwave. I watched the food spin in the light of the microwave sighing, I folded my arms leaning my back against the counter.

I felt my phone go off in my back pocket, I took my phone out looking at a notification. It was weird getting notifications, nobody talks to me outside of the hellhole you call school. My notification was from instagram, "'Lilithissmilingxv' has requested to follow you" I read out, I didn't know who that was, but i let them follow me instantly getting a message from the unknown follower. I looked at the message, "Hi! its me your friend from the bus!" she wrote as i read. I sighed, her names Lilith? I thought, I wrote back, "Hi" I smiled at my response, I wasn't used to texting, I felt it was odd. I herd the microwave go off, as I walked over opening the microwave and grabbing my tv dinner. I walked the creak filled floors, reaching the upstairs and walking up. I walked to my dull lit room holding my tv dinner and walking in. I sat on my bed taking a bite feeling the awkward taste of the meal. I talked to Lilith some more smiling that i've finally made a friend.