Love drove me crazy // James Hetfield

14. planning your life

Next day // December 13th, 2005

I woke up after a long night of crying over Roman's dad as I began to get dressed and ready for University. When I got all ready and had everything prepared for a day of school, I left my house and left with my car. I pulled in and parked as I got out and began to walk up to the front entrance of the school as I saw Roman come up to me and pick me up.

"Hey!" Roman said as I laughed.

"Hey, Roman," I say with a smile while being put down.

He then playfully elbowed me as we began to walk inside together.

"Sorry about my parents. If I would have known that was going to happen, I wouldn't have invited you," Roman says.

I nod, "It's okay. Your mom's nice, your dad's an asshole."

He laughed and nodded, "Yeah. Let's go to class."

•••

Class ended and I was again, staying behind for my professor to speak to him about the work.

"Professor Bennit?" I say and approach his desk.

He nods, "Yes, Ms.Hammett?"

I sigh, "I've been gone for days, traveling for gigs and my other professors know and let me off those days work so, why haven't you? I told you beforehand and you said you would do the same," I say upset.

He shook his head, "Ms.Hammett, I only did because you were gone Wednesday, too. When you were supposed to be back? Yeah, so I had work that day too and you missed that day and so did Roman! So I suppose you both have some work to catch up on. You two are staying behind after school to finish."

I sigh, "No, I-...how much is it?"

"Nothing much, only three packets, two entries and one essay. But that's light work, isn't it Ms.Hammett? Since you are top of your class besides Roman."

I glare at him and fake smiled, "Light work. Give me the work please and I'll work on it."

That's when Roman entered the room and sighed, "I was sent here?"

•••

Me and Roman were alone in Professor Bennit's room, doing homework as I was so tired. I supposed to be out at 5:30 and now it's 8:20. Roman groaned from boredom as he looked at me.

"Y/n?" He said.

I looked at him and nod, "Yeah?"

He sighed and nervously adjusted himself before turning to me, "I just wanted to say...I really like you. I know it's bad timing and all but I wanted you to meet my parents first before I told you."

I paused and didn't know how to react, so I bit my lip and shrugged, "Okay."

He furrowed his brows, "Okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, I don't know what else to say."

He sighed, "It's okay. I'm sorry, I'm really embarrassed now-"

I sighed and then pulled him to me and kissed him.

"Roman, will you be my boyfriend?"

He smiled and nodded, "Yeah, of course I will."

•••

Once we finished, we left and split ways to go home. When I got home, I noticed that my door had been open a little. I hitched my breath, worried, as I stepped inside and was greeted with Thomas sitting on my couch.

"Thomas, leave," I said sternly but also nervously.

He stood and walked to me while looking down at me, "You know how much I love you, right?" He asked me and held my hips.

I looked down, "No, Thomas. I have a boyfriend. I can't have you here."

He made me look up at him, "I want to see this new boyfriend of yours...see if he's just as good as I was."

I shoved him away and scoffed, "You never we're good to me! You never were! He's great to me and-"

Thomas didn't want to listen, so he smacked me. I immediately stopped talking after he smacked me. I held my stinging cheek and didn't make eye contact with him after even though he tried.

"I was. Okay? You don't speak to me like that. I don't want you ever to raise your voice at me like that again, because from my knowledge, I let you in to my arms and my home when you had nothing. But that doesn't matter to you I guess. Well, that hurts me."

I scoff, "I don't care," I mumbled quietly.

He grabbed my wrist and made me look at him, "Sorry, I didn't hear you, speak up!"

I flinched and looked away and hadn't said anything. He nods and shoved me back into a wall and walked to my door.

"I love you. I really do. That's why I do the things that I do for you...baby, break up with your boyfriend you have now and come back to me. I promise you, I'll change and I'll be better...I'm so sorry," he says and came back to me while softly hugging me.

His hugs always felt warm but yet so scary. But I hugged back and cried into his chest.

"Why do you have to do these things to me?" I asked.

"Baby, I'm sorry...I never mean it, you know that, right?" I slowly nod to which he kissed my head, "good. I'm glad you know. Will you be my girlfriend again?"

I looked up at him and saw his face that I once loved but was so scared of. Maybe he didn't mean it. Maybe he will change this time? No, he never changes.

"I'll think about it, Thomas. I'll think about it."

He nods and pecked my cheek softly before leaving. I sighed and heard him shut my door before I slid down my wall and began to sob to myself. What am I doing wrong that he keeps coming back? I laid on my floor in a ball as I looked up at my ceiling. I wish things weren't so difficult.

•••

I as in bed now, looking out my window as rain smacked against it. I tried to forget about Thomas but it was difficult. It was hard to say no to him and I knew that's what he was doing now. I hugged my pillow and cried as I tried to make my terrible thoughts and feelings go away. I grabbed my phone and dialed the local planned parenthood clinic as I heard the phone ring. I didn't want Thomas thinking that he could have unprotected sex with me like he had before, so I wanted to be safe.

"Hello, San Francisco Planned Parenthood, how can I help you?"

"Hi...can I schedule an appointment to come in and talk to a doctor about getting on some Birth Control?"

"Yes, ma'am. We have a free slot open tomorrow at 3pm if you're available, if not, we have another open slot the day after tomorrow at noon."

"Tomorrow works."

"Okay! That sounds like a plan, see you tomorrow, hon."

I nod, "Thank you, bye."

"Bye."