ʙᴀᴅᴍᴀɴ ᴀ ᴍɪ ᴛʏᴘᴇ

Distance pt 2

Lamáya POV
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Glad mi get rid a josh cause I can't be a single mother when my parents dem deh since grade skl married fi over 30 years

Mommy a 51 and daddy a 53

Dat me wah mi pickney dem grow up and see dem parents in love not no weekend daddy house weekdays mommy house bs nope

Sitting down I listened as they changed the topic to lisa man who is still talking to his ex

"So mi ask di bwoy fi him phone him ago seh why mi want him mi tell him mi wah use it call mi phone caz mi cya find it him tek di phone and call mine mi eventually find mine so from desso mi realize him a hide supmu so mi mek a plan so one day him go weh and come back in inna eh morning hours mi no while him mi just gwaan like mi no know nut'n so inna eh morning when mi get up mi see hickeys all ova him neck mi gwaan like mi blind and no seh nut'n him get a call seh him fren dem ago party so dem invite him him go bade and leff him phone unlock so mi open it and search it find out him still a text him ex and a deh him did deh night before me just deh aiite and bill," she says pausing in between sentences for effect

Me being me sit out the couch now in anticipation fi hear weh she do next everybody a wait fi she talk

"One night him go out so a me alone inna eh house mi phone start vibrate bay message pon Instagram from a fake page mi go pon it caz mi fass fi see mi man a fuck him ex and pictures of them together and weh shock mi adi picture with the ultrasound and pregnancy test so mia seh a wah di- bomboclatt," she says dramatically

"So bops mi hot and wah kill him bomboclatt but mi calm mi self and just go bade and sleep him deven come in da night deh like him know weh him do so bops baps days pass mi a plan and scheme up supmu we have dinner and gah one party when mi did prepare eh food mi dash sum epsom salt inna eh food and juice so mia wait fi it wuk pon him we get ready and go party mi bring sum inna mi bag fi drop inna him liquor so now we reach eh party we a chill mi see eh same ex and him inna corner mi see him Hennessy bottle on the table dun one bag a di salt inna him Hennessy and shake it minutes later him drink it and ting," she says coming to conclusion with the story

"So baps we a chill and mi just hear purrrrrrrrrpp loud ass poop and see him wull him pants and run outta di dance quick quick a seh mia laugh yuh fuck and everybody just a stare pon mi a ask waamp to him and y mia laugh I say I laugh till I weak him shame so till him move outta di community," she says laughing

We start laugh loud asf and gavin gets up and run around the house laughing and pinky rolling on the floor

But watch yah dem remind me a kim, nico and maj dramatic when laughing

Tears start to fall from my eyes due to laughter yo what a gyal wicked

"Yuh know wah even worst a white him did a wear so eh stain up eh pants batty," she says laughing

*Buff* she falls off the couch onto the floor this causes us to erupt in another round of laughter we laughing so loud until mommy come a di door asking what happened seeing us laughing on the floor like we nave sense

A outta breath pinky tries to explain but starts to stutter which makes us laugh even more

"A wah,?" Aunty jemmings ask looking at us on the floor laughing

"Ano nut'n mon know how dem fool fool a ready," mommy says hissing her teeth closing the door

Gavin says something making us laugh even harder then Pinky says something adding more fuel to the fir making us laugh more

Feeling the bottom of my stomach contracting I try to get up but I can't I try to steady my breathing

Eventually we settle down on the couch we look at each other and burst into laughter again