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You laid still in your childhood bed, tears quietly falling from your eyes, down onto the mattress. You couldn't seem to stop them from falling. You felt numb, lost, hurt.
Leaving your one true love hadn't been easy. But he wasn't the man you fell in love with anymore, the war had changed him.
Most soldiers had lost their minds, were critically wounded, deep in depression or spent their days in a pub trying to forget. But Tommy had been happy. He wrote to you only days before coming home.
I will finally see you again. Get to hold you in my arms.
The man that got back looked like Tommy, but didn't act like him. He didn't hold you like you remembered, didn't kiss you the same. But he seemed happy, and so were you.
But when the night came, he wouldn't come to bed. He stayed awake, looking out the window, certain that someone was watching. He was paranoid and had a loaded gun with him at all times.
When you had sex for the first time after the war, it wasn't loving and tender. He kissed you with his eyes open, like he didn't trust you. His hands left marks over your body from hard grips and touches. He was way to rough with you, hurting you when he was supposed to make you feel loved.
One night, when he finally slept, you felt him moving rapidly, having a nightmare. You carefully touched his face, and in that same second he had placed his hand around your throat. When you looked into his eyes they were wide open, cold and filled with rage. You had to beat your way out of his grip.
After that, he slept in a separate bed, the slightest unplanned touch triggered him.
One night he had gotten so drunk he tried to force himself on you. He ripped your clothes apart as he tried to get a firm grip around your body, whilst you desperately tried to get away from him. You finally managed to lock yourself in the bathroom. You soon realised that he would get through the thin door so you jumped out the window. You had hurt your foot from the jump, but limped barefoot towards Pollys house.
She always welcomed you into her home and she held you as you cried. She was the one that said that you had to leave him. He had gone to far.
You and Polly went back to your and Tommys shared apartment the morning after. Just as you thought, he had gotten through the bathroom door. It was completely wrecked. He was passed out in the living room, not moving an inch as you stepped over him.
You quickly packed your most valuable things along with clothes, before leaving him. You could thankfully stay at your parents home for a while.
Two weeks passed and you didn't hear from him once. You had spoken to Polly over the phone a couple of times, but avoided speaking about Tommy.
You wanted to move on and forget him. But you always found yourself in bed, crying as you thought of him. You still loved him, despite what he had done, you loved him so deeply it hurt being away from him.
One night you were woken by fists ferociously pounding on the door to your parents cottage, a panicked voice calling for you. You heard your dad opening the door for the stranger, footsteps ran up the stairs to your room.
John Shelby burst through the door, panting as he stared at you with wide eyes.
"It's Tommy." He said, gasping for air. He must've ran all the way here. "He's drunk and-"
"Calm down John." You sat up, pulling a robe over your body. "What is it with Tommy?"
"He's gotten the blues again Y/n. He has a loaded gun and fuck-" John thickly swallowed. "He need your help Y/n."
"Alright, let's go." You said and ran after John as he hurried towards Watery Lane. You were met by Polly and Arthur pacing outside the door, shouting coming from inside the house. Polly approached you with tears in her eyes.
"Oh thank god Y/n. He's gone fucking mad." She said, tears slipping from her eyes.
"Who's with him?" You ask as you crack the door open.
"Ada is. He's out of his mind Y/n. Be careful." She said before you walked inside. Polly, Arthur and John following closely behind.
Shattered glass and broken furniture laid on the floor. You swallowed, not letting yourself cry. You had to be strong.
Slowly you approached the living room. He had his back against you, Ada was standing opposite of him. You saw the gleaming pistol in his hand. Ada's eyes met yours, relaxing slightly.
"Tommy." You carefully said, watching as he messily turned around. A large and unnatural smile spread over his lips. He looked erie as he kept his eyes wide open.
"Y/n" He sighed out, taking a few steps towards you. The stench of alcohol was overwhelming as he got closer. "What are you doing here?" It looked like he realised that you weren't supposed to be there, smile dropping in a second.
"I came to see you." You smiled, trying to hide the fact that you were utterly terrified of him.
"You know.." He stumbled forwards, towering over you now, you could feel the heat coming from his body. "...I love you, but you broke my heart." He said, pointing a sharp finger in your chest. "You broke me." His gaze darkened.
"Tommy.." You said, voice almost breaking. "I want you to get better."
"You left me." He said, getting even closer, chest now pressing against yours. You let out a cry as he suddenly grabbed ahold of your hair, shaking your head. "You left me to think dark thoughts." He said through gritted teeth.
You planted a hard punch to his cheek, the alcohol in his body making him unsteady as he stumbled, a gunshot going off in the room. Suddenly, he was pointing the gun at you.
"Tommy.." You said as you kept your eyes on the gun in his shaking hand. He quickly turned his hand, making the gun point to his head instead, a finger resting against the trigger.
"I don't know who I am!" He shouted, pressing the muzzle to his temple. You carefully moved towards him. He opened his eyes, locking them with yours. "I want to die Y/n. I don't want to be here anymore." He said, tears filling his eyes.
"No." You sternly said, tears overflowing your eyes. "I don't want to lose you. I love you." You said, moving your hand to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into your hand. "I don't want to lose you Thomas, ever." You watched as he lowered the gun slightly.
"I don't know who I am anymore Y/n"
"But I do! I know who you are." You said, staring right into his eyes. "And this.. this is not you Thomas."
He closed his eyes as his hand dropped, almost collapsing in your arms. You quickly pushed the gun away and embraced him as he cried.
"It's alright love, you're safe. I promise you are safe now." You said before pressing your lips to his head. "I'll help you find yourself again, I promise."
