Not Everything is Solely About You

Back to Normal...Sort Of

The next morning, Klink made his bed, then instructed his bleary-eyed Senior POW Officer to lay down on it and get some sleep while everyone else was at roll call. He felt the man deserved a comfortable place to nap after staying up all night on his account. Hogan had been too tired to argue and had done as he was told…for once. It was a nice change. Klink didn’t expect it to last, however. Nor did he want it to. A docile Robert Hogan, although nice in theory, would be boring. He much preferred the wisecracking American who acted as if he were at a resort versus being a prisoner of war.

Weeks passed. Klink’s relationship with Hogan had returned to normal, except for two important changes: he was told ahead of time when strange things were going to occur. He wasn’t given a lot of detail – both officers agreed it was safer that way – but at least he was kept informed. Klink had begun trying to figure out which man was in disguise each time, using his weekly chess match with Hogan to conversate and find out if he was correct. A mischievous gleam had flickered in his counterpart’s eyes the first time he had explained what he was doing. The next thing Klink knew, different prisoners were filling the roles he was using to seeing Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau in. The ante had clearly been upped in the game. Which was fine; it gave him a chance to challenge himself.

The other important change was only known to the two of them, but it involved respect. Specifically, Hogan respecting him a bit more. He didn’t barge into the Kommandantur as often or act quite as annoying. Occasionally, he actually knocked before entering, something that never failed to shock Klink. The kommandant was well aware Hogan enjoyed throwing him off his game. Therefore, he’d decided to fight fire with fire. Giving the man suggestions on how to improve the many disguises the POWs used was, in Klink’s opinion, both helpful and necessary to keep them from getting caught.

“Carter did an excellent job impersonating the Führer last night,” Klink remarked one afternoon. “His performance was perfect except for three small details.”

“Which were?”

“First of all, the real Hitler has never in his life said ‘folks’, and certainly not with an American accent,” Klink answered. “Secondly, he does not have such a pronounced Adam’s apple. I would find a way to downplay that in the future as necessary.”

“I already talked to him about the slip-up,” Hogan said. “Dare I ask what the third thing was?”

“Calling out General Burkhalter to begin with,” Klink replied. “His position requires him to occasionally meet with the Führer in person. Had he come close enough, he would have immediately spotted Carter for the fraud he was.”

The colonel sighed and rubbed his temples. The two of them working together – well, sort of – was both a blessing and a curse. Klink’s suggestions were useful, yet somewhat annoying. Hogan couldn’t get too irritated, though. It was a small price to pay for having one less person to hide things from. He’d lost count of how much more sabotage he and his team had been able to accomplish since Klink had revealed what he knew. Not having to avoid guards was a great time-saver in itself.

“Is something the matter, Hogan?”

“Oh, uh…no. It’s just allergies,” Hogan lied. “They always give me a headache.”

“I see,” Klink said skeptically. “Well, I suppose you should go lie down then. Will you be going out today at all?”

Hogan nodded. “Either me or one of my men, yes. There’s a lot of stuff to blow up ‘round here.”

“In that case, be careful. Especially if you are going out in the daytime,” Klink cautioned. “Major Hochstetter is still enraged about Nachtnebel’s death – he will no doubt be on high alert for any spies or saboteurs. As it is, there have been more Gestapo around town than usual. I suspect they may be planning something.”

“Thanks for the tip, but you don’t gotta worry about me, Colonel Klink. This ain’t my first rodeo,” Hogan said confidently. “Besides, I know almost exactly what I’m doing.”

“That cocky attitude of yours is precisely why I do worry, Hogan,” Klink deadpanned. His tone became serious with his next words. “If you get caught –”

“I won’t mention your name,” Hogan promised. “You have my word as an officer and a gentleman.”

“What?” Klink shook his head. “Oh yes, of course. Don’t mention me at all. However, that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“I await your next words of wisdom with bated breath, sir.”

“Hmmph.” Klink shook a finger at the American officer. “As I was saying, if you get caught, I will find out. Once I do, I shall bring you straight back here, where you will spend the rest of the war in the cooler! There will be no more of the cockroach’s cooking for you either.”

“Hey, I protest! That last one is cruel and unusual punishment!” Hogan exclaimed. “Under the Geneva Convention, you’re not allowed to starve POWs for any reason.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. I would never starve my prisoners.” Klink gave him a nasty-happy smile. “Due to your rank, you would be given the same boiled potatoes and cabbage my guards eat.”

Hogan shuddered. “And you wonder why people openly defect to the Allies. I guarantee anything we’ve got tastes a whole lot better than that crap.”

“I beg your pardon? Those are traditional foods!” Klink exclaimed indignantly. “My people have eaten them for centuries.”

“Yeah, I’ve had them. Tasted every year of that tradition too,” the colonel quipped. “Has anyone ever considered putting the efficiency you Germans are known for to work and making them taste better?”

“Dismissed, Hogan.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

Klink slapped his riding crop on the desk. “I said dismissed!”

“I’m going, I’m going. Jeez,” Hogan grumbled. “Don’t lose any more of your hair on my account.”

Klink let out a sigh after the door closed. Perhaps it was foolish of him to continue turning a blind eye to this whole affair, but he wanted Hitler dead. That was a necessity in order for his country to be rid of the cancer known as the Nazi Party. Besides, he had never been able to say no to Hogan and make it stick. His Senior POW Officer was far too good at getting his own way. The combination of charm, diversion tactics and faux injured expressions made Klink’s resolve crumble every time.

“For goodness sakes, be careful out there. Germany needs you to help set her free,” Klink said to himself. He picked up his pen to resume his paperwork, his next words coming out in the barest of whisperers. “And I need you around too, you overgrown boy. There is no possibility of us becoming friends after the war if you die.”

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This is about as close to canon as I'll ever get, so I hope you enjoyed it! Comments are always welcome. :)