The Swiss Suitcase (LSD, #1)

7. Emotional Rescue

Emotional Rescue

The Frenchman, Monsieur Antoine Lafitte, is in a hurry. He has no time to watch the watches and jewellery in the shop windows. He doesn't gaze at the gorgeous Swiss ladies in colourful summer dresses. He doesn't pay any interest in the traffic jam of expensive cars in the street. He's on a mission, dedicated to finding something or someone much more important than his recently stolen 100 million can buy.

He goes left, turns right, and enters a small building through a big door.

I wait for Rostov to catch up: "What would you do if you'd just won the jackpot in the lottery, Rostov?"

"Celebrate, I guess. Have a nice meal and a bottle of champagne, buy a castle or book a trip to Tahiti."

"And what would you do if you'd just killed a man? What would you do if you just did something terrible? Imagine you're French... Catholic... A decent family man with a wife and children..."

Rostov gives the small building a second look: the tall windows, the slim tower with the cross on top of the roof, the large doors are always open, inviting to come in: "I guess..."

Suddenly, Mister Lafitte comes out of the church. We turn around to avoid him seeing our interested faces. In the shop window's reflection, I see Mister Lafitte cross the street and order a cappuccino on the terrace of an Italian restaurant. He keeps watching his watch. In another reflection of the same shop window, I see ourselves as the rest of the world sees us: South African banker Mister Dietz and his coloured servant Steven are extremely interested in the broad collection of sturdy flesh-coloured large-sized underwear for elderly people that's on summer sale this week.

"What's he doing? Waiting for a friend?", Rostov asks.

"Yeah, sure. He's waiting on a handsome, hot and horny friend so they can marry right away. Do you date girls in church? The man 'earned' 100 million Swiss francs in a transaction last night. You were right: he should be celebrating, but he enters a church instead. There are lots of things that money can buy, but peace of heart is not one of them. Do you see how nervous he is? He has done a terrible thing last night, perhaps he stole a fortune, perhaps he killed your boss, perhaps he did both, and now he's hoping for forgiveness... Keep an eye on him, Rostov. I'm going in, trying to find out what he was doing there. I hope the Lord can give me some good advice."

Rostov is smart. When I enter the church, I see how he changes his point of view to the window of a travel agency, studying all the offers to disappear forever. The inner doors of the church are closed. There's a piece of paper on them that says: "I'm coming in ten minutes."

Now I get really suspicious. If I would be in charge here and I was called away to save a soul, I would write «back in ten minutes» or «pray for my safe return». I try the doors: they are locked, but they open after a small exercise with the clip in my Swiss pocketknife. I slip inside and sneak through the empty church towards the private parts of the pastor..., I mean, towards the quarters where he has his private..., I mean, that door over here, which makes it impossible to see what happens on the other side, but is not thick enough to let me hear how our beloved father is extremely busy, sharing his love with one of his sisters. This door isn't locked. I open it silently, see what I need, take it and leave the lovers in their missionary position without causing a coitus interruptus, so the pastor can keep his promise to come in ten minutes.

Back in the entrance hall, I signal Rostov to come over. In seconds, I change my South African banker image of Mister Dietz into that of Father Brown. The habit is too big for me, but the rope around my waist solves the problem. I toss Rostov the other habit, the black-and-white one, and whisper: "Take off your jacket, double it before your breast and hold it so I can tie the arms together around your back. It will give you bosom. You've seen «Sister Act»? From now on, you're Sister Mary Clarence and I'm Father Brown. Can you do that?"