one shots about your favorite profilers!!
just random stories, which will also talk about mental health problems
english is not my first language and please correct me, if I made any mistakes
tw: talks about mental health issues summary: in the past months it seems like everything is falling apart
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It's been getting really hard lately. Life, work, family. Everything is getting too much.
For the past few months you've been living your life, no you were existing, not living. You can barely get out of bed in the morning. You forget to eat, you don't sleep, and your job is getting harder and harder. You're trying to not break down every five minutes.
Don't get it wrong, your job is hard, you're a profiler for gods sake, but you can't really concentrate anymore and you've not really been any help.
Now you may think "Haven't your coworkers picked up on your behaviour?", well yes they have and they're getting really worried.
The first one to notice was Spencer. It was a boring day filled with paperwork and Spencer finished his when he looked up and saw you staring into nothing. This wasn't unusual but you have been staring since he first looked up, ten minutes ago.
"Hey Y/N," he asked "are you okay?". But you didn't hear him, and you didn't hear him, when he called you again. You snapped out of your daze when he touched your shoulder. "Huh?" you said. "Are you okay? You didn't hear me, when I called you?" Spencer asked again.
"Oh yes! I'm alright, don't worry. I just slept bad last night." You said with a smile that didn't reach your eyes.
Spencer wasn't really believing you, but he let it go when you started your paperwork again.
The next one to notice was Penelope. She invited the girls for a girls night and wanted to ask you. But you declined, like the other times before that. It was strange, because you have always gone to a girls night with them, but something changed. Garcia went with her concerns to Derek, who now kept an eye on you.
Next were Emily and JJ. They heard Garcia worrying about you and wanted to look for you. As the two went into the bathroom, they heard a small whimper. Looking at eachother JJ said, "Hello? Is there someone here?" and it was suddenly very quiet.
And when the door opened they saw you with a big smile. "Oh hey guys. Is everything alright?" you said.
"Eh yeah.." Emily said quit unsure, because both of them could see your red eyes and puffy cheeks. JJ wanted to ask you, but before she could say anything, you were out of the door.
The last to notice were Hotch and Rossi. You were on a case and were investigating the latest crime scene with them. The two were talking while you just stood there and stared at the dead body. Now they thought it was just because of the body, but when you didn't say anything for the case later on and were just very quiet, they became concerned.
All of the profilers were concerned and worried, so that's why Penelope asked you in the jet, after you had a case, "Y/N, what's wrong?".
You looked up from your book and saw the team watching you. "What?" you said with a chuckle.
"What's going on with you?" she asked again.
"Everything is fine, why are you asking?" you said and you knew they didn't believe you, I mean they are profilers, but you did not want to break down in front of them.
Instead of Garcia, Hotch spoke up, "Y/N, we know something is going on with you. Everyone sees that you changed and that you're not doing good."
You looked down after that. It was very quiet. With a deep breath you looked up and they could see the tears in your eyes.
"I- I don't know what's going on." You said, and that was the truth. You don't know why you've been feeling this way. You should be happy, you have everything you wanted.
"It's just.. it's been very hard lately and I don't know why." you answered.
"But why didn't you say anything?" JJ asked with that motherly look.
"Because I can't describe what's going on in my mind!" you said a bit loudly, tears streaming down your face.
"I wake up every day to this feeling of loneliness and not wanting to do anything. I have this hole inside of me, that can't be filled. It's like I'm drowning in my own mind, because I don't know what to say. And it's not fair, because I worked so hard, for this job, for my life to be the way it is and now everything is going downhill, because I don't know what's wrong with me!" You're now covering your mouth with your hand and cry silently.
They look at eachother, thinking how they could have missed this for so long. Penelope and JJ have tears in their eyes, while the others look shocked.
Garcia is the first to move and she comes to you to hug you. You break down in her arms. You've been keeping this inside you for so long.
You whisper "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." again and again, while Garcia shushes you and caresses your hair.
After a while you let go of each other, "Oh my sweet darling," Penelope says "you don't have to be sorry. Everything's going to be alright," You just give her a small smile.
"Y/N," you look at Hotch "I'm sorry, that we missed the signs, but we will help you. We will be there every step of the way."
"You just have to try." Rossi says, "You could start with talking to a therapist or if you you don't want that, talk with one of us. Everyone is here for you, don't forget that."
"We love you." Derek adds and maybe, with the help from your team, it can get easier and you can live your life again.
