Diptych

Chapter 31

Sirius gripped the table like he was drowning and it was the only thing keeping him afloat, knuckles white and chin tipped down and breath still coming hard and fast. One or two sets of eyes turned to look at them, and earlier in the day that might have been reason for concern, but now none of them particularly cared. They had been reminded which eyes were dangerous to find, had indeed found them, and now the strangers nursing drinks as the sun began to set early in the evening seemed to bear no threat. Potter kept his distance as Sirius curled in on the table, fists clenched as he moved further into the booth he had darted immediately to once they'd escaped Bellatrix and Rodolphus. Regulus moved closer, not brave enough to reach out to him, but still wanting to be there. As for Edwin and Willa, they seemed to have no desire to stick around for what was surely going to be an uncomfortable conversation.

"We'll go and ask about rooms." Edwin told them in a low voice, reaching gently for Willa's wrist and tugging her with him towards the bar. None of the others objected, and Regulus only wished Edwin would've had enough sense to drag Potter with them, too. He had no place in that conversation, and to his surprise, Sirius didn't seem to want him there any more than Regulus did.

"Pads, if you want to... I mean, it's alright if... I know you must be—"

"You don't know anything!" Sirius snapped. Regulus had borne witness to his brother's spiralling enough times to know that he didn't mean what he said, couldn't help the inflection as he turned his whole body away from Potter, shunning him. He just didn't want anybody to see him like that, to see that he was still afraid of her. It probably ate him up inside to realise the same thing himself. To Potter's credit, he didn't look too put out by the accusation, and in fact moved to the other side of the table to slide into the booth beside Sirius. That left Regulus standing awkwardly at his other side, back to him and no indication that Sirius was any more forgiving of his presence than he was Potter's.

"She probably won't do anything," he murmured, words he'd said time and again during their earlier years, and words he didn't really expect Sirius to believe even as he said them, but which he fell back on as he acquainted himself with those old feelings. It was easy enough to pretend that he didn't remember the way it had been, that Sirius had been exaggerating, when they were both tucked safely away at Hogwarts. But when his hands were still shaking, and there was still that gnawing sense that his stomach might jump out of his body at any moment, or that tears would spring to his eyes if he thought about it for too long, it wasn't quite so easy. Regulus felt as though no time had passed since they'd been in that house together, could almost hear the slamming of the doors and shouting through walls. Towards the end, when the fighting got more frequent, it rarely involved Regulus; he'd instead listen with his knees tucked to his chest, fingernails digging into said knees as he waited for the signs it was going too far. At school, he'd heard people talking about fights at home and how they'd drown out the sounds with loud music, or else cover their ears or find some other tactic to avoid overhearing the disagreements. He'd never understood how they could do that, when every cell of his body seemed to hum in uneasy anticipation at the first sign of trouble. He didn't know what he could do to make it stop, and yet felt compelled by his loyalty to Sirius to at least be there, to not leave him alone. That same hypervigilance consumed Regulus as he tentatively sat beside his brother, expecting to be snapped at, told to leave.

Sirius didn't tell him to leave. After several moments of tense quiet, he let out a shaky breath. Regulus thought that he might be crying until he said,

"D'you see her face when Rodolphus interrupted her?"

It became clear then that Sirius was actually laughing, and no sooner had his eyes turned to Regulus', and the image of Bellatrix's annoyance flashed in his mind than he began to laugh too. Their shoulders were almost touching, lifting together as the brothers laughed out all of their relief and despair, Potter staring at the two of them in utter confusion.