Equanimity

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Part One; Chapter One

—Talks With a Traitor

Nearly ten years had passed since the death of Maia and James Potter and the defeat of Voldemort. Most of that time for Natalie was spent alternating between avoiding the truth that her brother was dead and trying to plead with Dumbledore to allow her to take care of Harry. Her heart knew that was what Maia and James would have wanted as she was the one appointed godmother and not that miserable cow Petunia. Even Danielle could have taken care of Harry! But Dumbledore remained firm in his decision, though she did manage to convince him to allow her to help out at the school. She quickly took over as the study hall professor while also stepping in as substitute of sorts should the need arise.

As Harry's eleventh birthday crept near, she debated on what she was going to say to him. She certainly couldn't just tell him that she was his aunt. No...that wouldn't do at all. He would loathe her for abandoning him to the custody of the rotten Dursley's. A hand ran through her hair, nails bitten down to the their bed due to nerves.

She shook her head, curly brown hair slapping her face gently. Before she did any of that, she wanted to pay a visit to the man who had caused this whole situation...who had ripped her whole world apart and stomped on the pieces.

Her leather jacket was slung over her shoulders and it took a moment to realize it was his. Why did she even still have the damn thing? She hastily threw it to the side, making a mental note to put it away. After a moment of searching, she managed to obtain her own leather jacket and placed it on herself before she walked out of the door, drawing out her wand that was in her pocket. Apparating to the Ministry of Magic was the best thing she could do since she lived so far from the normal entry place.

The ministry was just like she remembered, though she didn't spend time sightseeing. She could feel the stares and hear the whispers as she walked towards the elevator that would lead her to the minister. A small conversation with his secretary later and she was seated in Fudge's office.

"Are you sure?" he asked in concern. Fudge had been there for her through her downfall and had done his best to help her. She would even go as far as to consider him a rather good friend.

Natalie nodded her head, her eyes glinting in determination. "I'm positive," she assured the man before her. "I have to do this. If I don't, I will never get the closure I need."

"Very well," Fudge sighed and summoned a Patronus to send to Azkaban. "You know where to go. I'll make sure it will be just the two of you."

The two stood and Fudge drew the woman into a short hug. "It's good to see you again."

Natalie gave a small smile in return before exiting the office and making her way to the courtroom. Her palms began to sweat as she waited nervously for him to arrive. Her wand had been given to Fudge as she didn't trust herself not to use it on the traitor.

Before long, doors creaked open and her heavily pierced ears caught the sound of chains clinking together along with the sound of heavy breathing.

Sirius Black stood with his back slumped slightly. Tired grey eyes watched the woman in front of him. It didn't take a genius to know who it was. Even with her back turned, he could spot Natalie for miles. His heart clenched painfully at the sight of her; he knew why she was there.

"Nattie," he breathed and the woman spun around angrily.

"No," she hissed and was satisfied with the way he flinched at her harsh tone. "You lost the right to call me that the day you betrayed my brother and best friend." Angry tears pricked at her hazel orbs as she stared at the disheveled man.

Her eyes raked over his appearance and she cursed herself for feeling sorry for the pathetic excuse for a man that stood before her. His skin was a sickly grey and his tired eyes held bags under them. His face was sunken slightly and it was clear he was thin from the way his clothes were torn and hung off of him.

"Harry starts school this year," she said coldly and eyed Sirius. "You know where he's been staying?" At him shaking his head, Natalie fixed him with a scowl. "With that bloody cow Petunia and her overly large husband," she hissed and turned her back to the frail man. "I haven't seen him once because of you."

It seemed as though Natalie had finally reached the point of the mostly one sided conversation. "If it weren't for you," she said lowly, her voice cold, "James and Maia would still be alive and I could be spending today with Harry and not talking to some good for nothing traitor."

"Natti-" he paused and cleared his throat. "Natalie," he corrected himself. It pained him to see one of his best friends in such pain. "You know I would never dream of betraying them!" His voice raised slightly, but he regretted it as soon as he saw Natalie flinch. He could see her shoulders shaking the slightest and knew that she was trying to hold everything in. "I would never hurt James." But he had hadn't he? All this had happened because of him. If only he had listened to James then none of this would have happened.

Natalie didn't say anything for a few moments, trying to regain her composure. As soon as she was able to, she turned to face Sirius, her hazel eyes filled with such hate that it made the man step backwards from the ferocity of it. "Everything you've said," she spoke lowly, "all of the words out of your mouth, are nothing more than lies." She said no more and shoved past him towards the doors.

Sirius watched her leave as his heart split in two. His best friend didn't believe him. He was finally able to see her after ten years, and all he could see was the hate she held for him. As she walked out the doors, Sirius Black was once more handed over to the Dementors, this time with his heart far heavier than before.