pain?

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what is exactly pain? If I have comfort.
"You'll heal" but what if I like being hurt?

I wanna feel my heart breaking into pieces,
When I'm hiding things but I don't know my own secrets.

I wanna cry under the pillow so no one could hear me sob
Who is this new person? Was the old me robbed?

I don't want comfort anymore, I like it here, the pain, the sadness, the doubt, the overthinking, and the guilt of not knowing what is it for?

Maybe I don't like myself and it's like hiding behind a mask,
But I never like hiding.
Spot light is what makes me 'me', but does that still stand?

to hide behind a mask, you must know when to begin and where to end?
It's funny because I don't think I know what it's like to pretend.

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